The Fool
by becoafamu
Summary: A playful romp through the FeMC's thoughts as she uses her power, spends time with the other SEES members, and finally, makes her decision. FeMC/Akihiko
1. Chapter 1

**The Fool**

The infamous Hot Springs Incident- a terrible ordeal that would leave the dorm divided for several weeks- came and went. On the train ride back from Kyoto, sitting with the girls of course, you received a text from Akihiko. Given that you were nearly an hour into the trip home, it was easy to imagine Aki agonizing all night and all day over what to say. It said, simply:

_I'm so sorry. Junpei made me do it. Forgive me?_

"Who's texting you?" Yukari asked. You paused to think, for the briefest of moments. You and Akihiko had both agreed, for the time being, to keep your relationship a secret, for the benefit of SEES. Nothing in Akihiko's text indicated that you were dating, and it would be a weird thing to keep a secret, so you told them.

"Akihiko-senpai. He says Junpei made him do it." You showed your phone to Yukari for proof.

"Ha! Not a chance, loser," Yukari sniffed. "Besides, why is he only asking _you _to forgive him?"

"Probably because he knows he'll never get to go on a mission ever again if she doesn't," Fuuka laughed, providing an answer for you. "At least he's sorry."

"Whatever. He's only sorry 'cause Mitsuru-senpai kicked his ass." The three of you enjoyed a good laugh at Yukari's impeccable impression of the three boys begging Mitsuru for their lives. Mitsuru Kirijo's executions were not something to be trifled with. When the commotion died down and Yukari and Fuuka had moved on to chatting about things like clubs and which boys in your class managed _not_ to be total douchewads, you slipped your phone back out to respond.

_See you tonight at the usual place._

The 'usual place' was, of course, Aki's bedroom. You'd decided on that code because to your dorm mates, it made it sound like you were talking about Tartarus. You had no intention of going to Tartarus the night you got home from the class trip, of course. You were just dedicated to the secrecy, that was all.

You and your friends feebly dragged your suitcases back into the dorm and collapsed onto the couches in the lounge. They weren't paying attention to you, so you figured you would make your escape. You stood up to leave.

"Are you going to bed?" Fuuka asked.

"Yep," you said cheerfully. "I'm beat." And, given your usual calculations, you had less than five minutes to get everything in place. Hoisting your bag, you set off up to the third floor. You dropped your bag on your bed and turned on your music- you had a now-useful reputation for always sleeping with music on. With the CD set on repeat, loud enough to be heard at the door but not loud enough to disturb anyone, you rushed back downstairs and slipped into Aki's room, confident that no one had seen you.

Akihiko had no neighbors on either side of his room, not since Shinjiro had been moved to the hospital, so you didn't have to worry about tip-toeing around. Nevertheless, you sat quietly on his bed and listened to each of your dorm mates stagger up the stairs and into their respective rooms. Akihiko was dead last, of course. He was even more paranoid than you were. When he saw you were waiting for him, he smiled.

"So- are you still mad at me?" he asked timidly. You gestured for him to come over and sit down, which he did, except that he was more than a foot away from you.

"I'm not mad, Aki," you said softly. "It was an accident." Akihiko visibly relaxed, but he didn't move any closer to you. He'd barely touched you since you started dating, except for a couple awkward hugs. You were all for giving him space and all that, but, well, a girl had needs, and those needs had to be tended to. You scooted over next to him and slid your arms around his waist. He returned the embrace.

"I'm glad you're not mad at me," Akihiko mumbled into your hair. You rested your head on his shoulder. Straight-up jumping his bones was out of the question, but, well… it had been a few weeks, now. There came a time when a girl had to fish or cut bait.

"I just wanna know one thing," you murmured.

"What's that?"

"Did you like what you saw?" It took a moment for Aki to realize what you were asking, but when he did, his eyes widened.

"W-what?"

"I liked what I saw…" you murmured. You slowly disentangled your arms from around Aki's waist, and brought your hands up to press against his chest. His heart was pounding, you could feel it. You reached up and disentangled the tie around his neck. He whispered your name, half question, and half moan.

"Kiss me," you ordered. Aki hesitated, but obliged. He gently ran a finger across your cheek before planting a chaste little kiss on your lips.

Well, it was a start, but it left you wanting.

This time, you took the lead, pressing your lips against his. When he opened his mouth to let out the breath he'd been holding, you launched an all-out attack. Your tongue brushed against his lips. He was wearing cherry chapstick. Once he'd recovered from his initial shyness, Aki kissed you back, in earnest. His hands moved over your body, hesitantly, as if he weren't quite sure where to put them. He settled on your hips, and lower back. After what had to be several minutes, you broke the kiss, and licked your lips.

"Yeah," Aki said, blushing, with a shy little smile.

"Yeah, what?"

"Yeah, I liked what I saw, too." His eyes traveled down your body, still covered by your rather modest school uniform. His pupils dilated. He knew what was underneath. You grabbed him by the collar, the tiniest hint of roughness. Aki liked it, and happily obliged when you pushed him back on the bed, so that his back was against the wall. You climbed on top of him, straddling his hips, wrapped your fingers in his hair, and re-initiated the kiss. When you broke apart, you were both gasping for breath.

Your skirt was more than askew by this point. Your bare thighs spread out over Aki's bed. You caught him staring longingly at them, and you decided to see how far you could push him. You know, just for funsies.

"God, it's hot," you laughed. You leaned over, first to the right, and began slowly peeling off your school-issue knee sock, revealing your toned calves by inches in the process. Akihiko watched, enthralled. Once you discarded the first sock, you leaned over and went to work on the second one. Your movements caused your groin to rub almost casually against Aki's- if he were having a reaction, you couldn't feel it just yet. You leaned back and unbuttoned your jacket and untied your bow, tossing them aside, as well.

"That's better," you sighed. Aki was looking decidedly hot under the collar. You lifted his hand, gave it a squeeze, and then placed it on your naked upper thigh.

Something stiffened in between your legs, and it certainly wasn't on _your _body. Akihiko gasped, closed his eyes, and flushed with embarrassment. He had a wild expression on his face, a bizarre combination of _I'm really horny _and _I want to die. _His swollen lips and disheveled hair weren't helping.

"D-Dammit," he stammered. "I-" You cut him off with another kiss. You ran your hands across his chest and pushed your hips against him, this time, deliberately. Aki moaned. He wasn't going to hold on much longer, at this rate.

"Take my shirt off," he mumbled, when the kiss ended. He said the words so quietly, you almost missed them.

"What was that, Aki?" You emphasized his nickname, playfully. Aki glared at you, also playfully, and began tugging at his clothes himself. You helped, brushing your fingers against his bare skin. Once the bothersome garments were gone, you pressed your lips against Aki's throat, evoking another moan.

"You know when I knew that- ah- I liked you?"

"If you say something about my stellar personality or shining eyes at a time like this, I am so leaving you high and dry." Ok, that wasn't strictly true. But threats were power. You licked his Adam's apple, only briefly, but it was enough to feel it bob as he swallowed, hard.

"Oh, no. Sometimes when you're attacking with your naginata, your s-skirt flies up. Shinji caught me looking. Over and over again." He paused to tilt his head back so that you could go for the jugular. So to speak. "Remember that black eye I had…? Yeah, I got hit in the face because I wasn't paying attention." You sat back upright and gave him a kiss, nibbling on his lower lip. "I'm so glad to tell you that. I've been trying to figure out how to apologize for a-ahaaah!" Your hands were running along the waistline of his jeans, ruffling his silver happy trail.

"You're such a dork," you said.

"Am not," he protested, his face flushing red.

"Are too." You kissed him again. By this point, it was safe to say that you were officially _making out _with Akihiko Sanada. Akihiko's legs would occasionally quiver and twitch, evidence that your movements were still helping his hard-on along. His hand was still frozen on your thigh. Once again, you pressed your hand against his, and gently slid his hand up towards your hip. His hand, normally one of his two greatest weapons, trembled with uncertainty and anticipation.

You pushed that hand under your skirt.

"Oh," he whispered. "Oh." Suddenly, he remembered how to move his arm, and you felt him run his fingers along the lacy edge of your panties. He managed to brush the edge of your labia before he got too embarrassed to continue, and retreated to the now-safe terrain of your inner thigh.

"I want you to touch me," you told him, arching your body against his. "I want you to touch me and I want you to look at me. Always." You took his hand again, and this time, pressed it against your breast. He cupped it automatically, allowing himself only one tiny, curious squeeze before freezing again.

"Take my shirt off," you said, echoing his words from before. He fumbled with the buttons on your blouse. You stretched your arms behind you to slide the top off. You hadn't exactly dressed for sex this morning, so all you were wearing was a standard cotton bra, but Aki seemed enthralled, nonetheless. You helped his hands back to the clasp, and sucked on his neck while he fumbled to undo it. Your breasts tumbled free as you tossed the cheap bra aside. Akihiko stared for a long moment, before shyly moving his hands back up to your ribcage, and sliding his fingers along the edges of your curves. He was still too unsure of himself to grab what he wanted. As it were.

He seemed to like it when you were aggressive, so without asking permission, you reached down and unbuckled his belt. You yanked it off with a swift crack and tossed it onto the floor. As you unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, you heard a soft gasp escape his lips, as some of the pressure on his groin was relieved. You hadn't touched it yet, but you could sense how hard his dick was throbbing.

"H-hey," Aki stammered. "Do you think- I mean- too fast-?"

"Aki," you said. Once again, he relaxed at the use of his nickname. "Every night, we risk our lives. I want to be with you." You rolled off of him to give him a chance to pull his pants and socks off. While he did so, you obligingly yanked your skirt off, as well. Both of you were bare, save for your underwear- for you, a plain pair of cotton briefs, and for him, shapely black boxer-briefs. You supposed that, as an athlete, he'd want his junk to be kept secure.

You wrapped your legs around him again, and pressed your crotch against his. He gasped when he felt how wet you were.

"Is that-? Oh- oh," he mumbled. His legs twitched involuntarily again. You kissed him again, this time with your tongue, and he accepted it gladly, swirling his own tongue around your mouth, sucking aggressively. His hands moved up and down your back, carefully avoiding anywhere that would be improper. With a grin, you grabbed his left hand and forced it back down towards your genitals. This time, you didn't give him a chance to explore. You stood up on your knees, pushed your panties aside and pressed his fingers up against your pussy.

Akihiko gasped, and you felt his hips buck. A sparkle of electricity passed through you. Whatever he was feeling, it was intense.

Without words, you rubbed his fingers along all of your sweet spots, before taking his first two fingers and guiding them towards your entrance. It wasn't hard to figure out what you wanted. Akihiko watched his own fingers, enthralled, as they slowly disappeared into your body. He wiggled them curiously, and you gasped and collapsed against him, a wave of pleasure knocking you off balance. You'd been so focused on what he felt that you'd forgotten to notice that you were pretty wound up, too. Aki, pleased that he had gotten such a strong reaction, repeated the motion. You moaned into his neck.

"Aki- Aki- am I your first?" you gasped. You already knew the answer, but you wanted to hear him say it.

"Yeah." His fingers dug deeper, and the spark inside of you burst into a flame.

You wanted cock, and you wanted it now.

"Let me get you ready," you whispered, gently removing his fingers from inside of you, shuddering as you felt yourself empty. You pulled your dripping panties off and tossed them on the floor, then did the same for Aki's boxer-briefs. He let you remove his last piece of clothing, watching your face as you peeled them off of him, and his cock sprang free. It was red, and swollen, and dripping with pre-cum. You were amazed he'd managed to get that turned on while barely moving, or making any sound, but you supposed that he was pretty used to acting tough and avoiding cries of pain by now, so why should pleasure be any different?

The two of you were perfectly bare, sweating and panting, pressed together on Aki's bed.

"May I touch you?" you asked flirtatiously. Aki grunted and nodded. You trailed your fingers from his chest down to his stomach- you could feel him quivering with anticipation- before sliding your hand down to his thigh. You slid up his thigh- slowly, painfully slowly- you paused for a moment to play with the crease between his leg and his hip- and then, without warning, you wrapped your fingers around his cock.

Aki gasped, a sharp but still barely audible intake of breath, and he exhaled in tiny, excited bursts. You spit in your hands, then rubbed them both along his member, lubricating him with your own fluids. When you judged he was ready, you centered your hips over him, and positioned his tip at your entrance.

"W-wait," he said. "Don't we need-?" He was too shy to use the word 'condom.' It was charming.

"I've been on the pill since I was fourteen," you laughed. "Seriously, I got it covered."

"Oh- ok."

"Tell me if you need me to stop."

"Don't stop," Aki begged, breathlessly. "Don't ever stop."

You lowered yourself onto his cock.

You were so wet that there was barely any resistance at all. Aki slid inside of you easily, as if he were always meant to be there. Still, your body stretched to accommodate him, and you found yourself biting back a cry of delight. Aki was biting down on his lip, stifling a shout, as well. His eyes were roaming up and down, from your face to your tits to the spot where he was buried inside of you, and back up again. When the tremors had died down, you slid upwards, then back down again. The second thrust felt almost as good as the first.

Aki's arms were both wrapped around you, and yours around him. Your face was buried in his neck, and his in your hair. You pumped him between your legs, in a slow, steady rhythm, stoking the fire that was building in between you. Your skin rubbed against each other. The sticky, wet sound as your body met his grounded you. Yes, this was actually happening.

Aki moaned your name, quietly, and his arms tightened, and you knew he was getting closer. Squarely between your legs, the power to make him lose it was held only by you. You had total control over him. The tiny sounds dying in his throat- _you _had the power to force them out.

You tightened your grip on him and began to thrust harder.

Both of you were nearing your limits. You yourself had already succumbed to the delicious numbness that happened just before the explosion, and Aki wasn't faring much better. The closer he got to the edge, the tighter he closed his arms around you, making it somewhat difficult for you to breathe, but that only heightened the intensity.

You felt the shudder pass through Aki's body just as he was about to cum. When it hit, he bucked wildly, pushing himself as deeply into you as he could go. You kept thrusting onto him, milking every last drop as he emptied himself inside of you. He cried out, with his open mouth buried against your skin to stifle his moans. When you came shortly thereafter, your powerful muscle contractions wrapping around his dick, Aki cried out again. You rode out your orgasm with Aki still inside you, the both of you gasping for breath.

"I love you," Aki whispered, hoarsely. His body was limp, and shivering. You leaned against him, silently willing your own body to calm down. That had been much more intense than you'd expected, and you weren't sure how to feel. Your calm detachment was slipping away, leaving you with a whole host of emotions you weren't quite sure what to do with. You carefully extracted yourself from Akihiko, before collapsing onto his bed. He followed suit, flopping down next to you, wrapping a single arm around your middle and pulling you close.

"Spend the night here," he suggested, but it wasn't really a suggestion. He was holding you so tight, you weren't sure if you could leave, even if you particularly wanted to.

"Ok," you said, with a smile. Akihiko's room was cold- he liked it that way, for working out- so you pulled his blanket over both of you. Just as you were about to fall asleep, you heard him murmur:

"Sorry."

"What for?"

"S-sorry if I wasn't very good at it," he mumbled. "I haven't- you know- oh." He trailed off when he saw that you were laughing at him. You gave him a tiny kiss on the lips.

"You were perfect." At that, he beamed. "But if you're really that worried about it… you know what you're _great_ at?"

"Huh?"

"Training." Aki looked at you, confused. "I think we need at least two sessions a day, don't you? Or maybe three- morning, evening, and a quickie at lunch." Realization dawned on him, and his eyes widened.

"Three t-times a day? I won't have any energy left for real training!"

"Did you know that sex is one of the most aerobic activities people can take part in?" you said, conversationally. "Apparently, it strengthens nearly every muscle in your body." That caught his attention.

"Wow, really?" He sounded genuinely interested in the athletics of sex. You sighed.

"Good night, Aki."

* * *

><p>HELLO PERSONA PEOPLE! This is my first foray into Persona fanfiction, and it's actually meant to be part of a larger fic I've been working on, but I haven't really decided what the total fic is going to look like yet, so for now you just get a porn scene. Yeah, I've become THAT fanfic writer, who just writes straight-up fan porn and publishes it on the internet. It's cool, I've been close to that for a while.<p>

I just finished playing the girl storyline on P3P, and- OMG dating Akihiko is super fucking creepy. I mean, he keeps telling you how much you remind him of his dead sister? How creepy is that? And then I wrote porn about it.

This is my life.

Reviews will inspire me to finish the rest of the fic faster. ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**The Fool - Chapter 2**

You met Akihiko Sanada in the spring.

The reason why you were transferred to Gekkoukan High was never clearly explained to you, but it had to do with your housing situation. Most schools didn't have dorms, and the orphanages in the area were overcrowded as it was. Apparently, the powers that be had decided that after you turned sixteen, you'd be better off relinquished to the school system's loving care. Your case worker announced one day that you were moving, and that was that. It wasn't particularly traumatic- you'd been moved plenty of times, and it wasn't like you had any friends. All of your belongings fit in one shabby and depressing suitcase.

The city was nice enough, but the dorm was off-putting, in a similar manner to all the other free housing you'd been shuffled into over the years. You didn't anticipate making any friends here, either. Weird people lived in high school dorms. Mostly outcasts, and other people with no parents.

"You'll fit in here," Yukari had said cheerfully. She'd been standing in the lounge when you arrived, so she was the one who gave you the tour. "The dorm is nicer than it sounds. Or looks." She made a face, and added: "Or smells." She didn't seem like a delinquent, so you deduced that she had no parents.

"So. No parents?" you asked.

"Um," had been Yukari's only answer. Yeah, no parents. She offered to take you shopping so you could personalize your room a little bit, but you never bothered. Then you went into a coma for a couple weeks, so it's not like there was any harm done. As the school year progressed, your room remained aggressively plain- nothing but the standard-issue furniture, and some toiletries and clothes.

"You're going to love Gekkoukan," Yukari told you, over and over. "You should join a club! I'm on the Archery team." Honestly, you were relieved to learn about Tartarus and the Dark Hour- "it's all a front for a dark and brooding double life" was the only acceptable excuse for Yukari's needlessly happy mannerisms and behavior.

Then you remembered that people had called you perky before, and you thought that maybe, you shouldn't be so quick to judge.

_I don't care about Gekkoukan, _you thought passively. _It's just another step on the long road to adulthood. And I'm going to get there anyway, no matter how hard I try to stop it. _Outwardly, you smiled and nodded in response to everything Yukari said.

The school was nice- very clean, and new. Apparently, it was only ten years old. You were in the same homeroom as Yukari. She had a special interest in you, but you though she was just being friendly.

You awakened to your power only two short nights later. Yukari woke you up in the middle of the night, wild-eyed and frightened, and handed you a weapon so old it had to be an antique. When the creature- the Shadow- knocked her aside, you knew you couldn't leave her there. You picked up her gun- Evoker- you pressed it to your temple-

"Hello," the Chairman was saying. Your first SEES meeting happened when you were released from the hospital. "I mentioned him before, but this is Akihiko Sanada." The boy might have been handsome, if it weren't for his black eye. One of his arms was in a sling. His clothes fit awkwardly, betraying bandaged ribs.

"Hey," this Akihiko said. You nodded back to him politely. The other two students you recognized- your new best friend Yukari, of course, and Mitsuru Kirijo, one year older than you, and rich as shit. You recognized her family name easily. Either she was horribly estranged from her parents- you got a bit of a gay vibe from her- or, her life was perfect, and she was living in the dorms to rub it in to all the parentless and/or delinquent children.

The four of them gave you a run-down on the Dark Hour, and handed you an Evoker of your very own.

It was fucked up.

That was who you were, though. You took things as they came. If someone said you were transferring schools next year, you went with it. If someone said the real reason you'd been transferred was to fight supernatural evil, you went with it. You were the last person anyone should trust with a secret power, and the responsibility of saving the world.

You couldn't say those words to Mitsuru, though. All you could do was nod, and smile, and hope that you would stay alive. No one said no to Mitsuru Kirijo- you could tell that just by speaking with her. To her, control was everything. If someone were to shake that illusion of control- well, who knows what would happen?

The next person to join your band of merry high school students was Junpei Iori, from your class. He flirted with you the first time you met, and truth be told, you kind of liked it. You'd been milking attention from boys for your self-esteem since you were thirteen years old. Orphans didn't get much love from anywhere else.

After Junpei, the group recruited Fuuka Yamagishi, who, thankfully, fell into a support role, given her sickly nature. She was the only one in the dorm with a complete family unit, but she never spoke of it. Probably because she was uncomfortable dealing with Team Broken-Home, as you privately referred to yourselves.

Aigis and Koromaru joined at around the same time, over the summer. An android and a dog. Their literal inhuman strength made them an asset to you as a leader, but they altered the group dynamic in a way that was uncomfortable to you. Aigis, in particular, declared that you were her priority, and wouldn't let anyone else near you.

Ken Amada, an elementary school kid, joined SEES just in time to try to kill Shinjiro Aragaki, one of the original members. Shinji made it through, but he ended up in a coma.

So much had happened in nine short months, and it was all winding down to a close.

Right now, they were all sitting in front of you. Except for Shinji, and Aigis- Aigis, who was lying in a broken heap somewhere you'd never seen, and Shinji, lying in a broken heap in a hospital, wrapped in tubes and sheets.

You looked down at your teammates. They were sitting in a circle in the lounge, while you stood at the end of the couch. None of them were meeting your eyes. Not even Aki. Your boyfriend.

Ryoji was already gone. True to his word, after he'd warned you about the end of the world, he vanished, the moment he crossed the dorm's threshold. You were left with the scraps of information you'd been given, left to sort it all out yourself. And most confusingly, when he was gone, you felt empty, and lost.

_If he was inside me, that makes sense, _you thought dismally. A part of your very soul had stood up and walked away. Of course, there was the problem. You were sure that your teammates had seen the longing on your face when he left you.

Now, they couldn't look at you at all.

"What are we going to do?" Yukari finally said, slowly. No one answered. You knew that it wasn't your place to contribute to this discussion, so you stayed silent.

"It's not fair," Ken whispered. "We fought so hard to save the world, and now-" He choked back tears, trying to act like a grown-up. Fuuka rested a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. Koromaru nuzzled his leg. Ken sniffled, and turned to Akihiko.

"Have you made your decision, Sanada-san?" he asked, hopefully. Aki's eyes flitted up towards you for the briefest moment, before fixing back on the floor.

"No."

The ability to choose how you would die. That was the option that Ryoji had given you. Would you go out in a blaze of glory, or quietly, living in peace?

"I've never really contemplated my own death before," Mitsuru said slowly. You suspected that that was true for everyone in the group, which was funny, in a sick sort of way, since you had a habit of throwing your lives on the line every night.

"I don't want to hurt Ryoji-kun," Fuuka suddenly blurted out. Everyone looked at her, and she hesitated. "Can we agree," she said quietly, "that we don't want to hurt Ryoji-kun?"

"This isn't natural," Yukari muttered. She looked over at Junpei. "You're surprisingly quiet."

"I don't know what to do." Junpei was hunched over at the edge of the couch. His eyes were squeezed shut and his hands were curled into tight fists. Suddenly, he stood up, knocking the coffee table aside in the process.

"You people need to wake up!" he shouted. "This is _Death _we're talking about, here!"

"So, what do you want to do? Do you want to kill him?" Mitsuru asked coldly.

"I can't do anything! She's the only one who-" He froze. He turned to look at you, the first in the group to do so. You stared back at him. "Did you ever notice?" he whispered. "You had that- _thing- _inside you for _ten years _and don't you dare tell me you didn't _know_!"

You stared back at him with no emotion.

"_You _raised it!" he screamed, tears welling in his eyes. "_You're_ the one who brought about the Fall! Can't- you- do- _anything_?" Part of you wanted to apologize. Instead, you stood strong. Your eyes were level with his.

"Stop it, Junpei!" Yukari hissed. "It's not her fault. None of us could have known." Your eyes lingered on Akihiko. He wasn't sticking up for you- Yukari was. No one else backed Yukari up, either. You were surprised. Of everyone in the group, you wouldn't expect Yukari to have your back, but somewhere inside, you were grateful.

"Her carrying Death is the only reason we even have this choice," she said softly.

"I know that," Junpei snapped. "But- but, I-" His rage was rapidly deflating. He collapsed back onto the couch, tore his hat off, and clutched his face in his hands. "I'm so scared."

"I know how you feel, Junpei," Fuuka whispered. "I'm scared, too."

"We're all scared," Akihiko mumbled, barely audible. He was staring directly at the coffee table. You looked at him, then around at the rest of your friends.

The price for living in peace, of course, was your memories. If you took the offer you'd been given and decided to kill Ryoji, all of your memories of the Dark Hour and Shadows would disappear, along with your knowledge of the world's impending end. The price was steep, almost unbearably so. Mitsuru would forget who had killed her father. Ken wouldn't know how his mother had died, and none of you would know why Shinjiro was in the hospital, even though you all saw him go down. Yukari wouldn't know why her family had been destroyed. No one would know what was going on with Aigis. For the two Senpai, years and years of their lives would be erased. Who's to say they'd even be the same people?

Your eyes lingered on Akihiko again. He didn't look up at you.

The other option was entering the ring for a fight you couldn't win. Did you have the courage to stare absolute Death in the face, and never back down? The question was hovering in your friends' minds, as well.

"Clearly, we're too mixed up about this to make a decision now," Mitsuru decided, after a long silence. "We'll meet again on New Year's Eve to discuss our decisions." The Kirijo word was final, and no one said anything to contradict her. You were already walking out of the lounge before she was done with her sentence. Without looking back, you headed straight for the stairs, to go up to your room.

You tried to keep your head clear, but Junpei's harsh words ate at you. He was right, of course. Pharos appeared in front of you dozens of times during the Dark Hour to warn you of "ordeals," and you never once stopped to consider that his intentions may be malicious. You never noticed the link between Pharos and Ryoji, even though they were both the same person, and he'd been living inside of you for ten years. You didn't pay attention to Aigis's repeated warnings to stay away from him.

Now Aigis was bashed to pieces, and it was all your fault.

"Wait," someone shouted. You turned around. Aki was chasing you up the stairs. All you said was:

"Hey."

"I'm so sorry," Aki gasped. He looked incredibly guilty, in an adorable sort of way. You kept this thought to yourself. "I didn't want Junpei to say those things to you, but I didn't know what to say. I'm just so confused." He took your hand and pulled you into a tight hug. Your nose crushed against his shoulder, and you stayed still for a long moment, before returning the gesture, somewhat delicately.

"I'm confused too," you said. The words sounded mechanical, even to your ears. You didn't say anything as he led you to his room. He opened the door for you, and you slipped inside, and sat down on the edge of his bed. His room was messier than usual. The bed was unmade, and there were clothes strewn across the floor.

Akihiko sat down next to you and wrapped his arm around your waist. You leaned against him gratefully. Your body suddenly felt weak, and useless.

Was it because you lost Ryoji?

"I'm so tired," you whispered.

"I'm sorry," he said. You felt his lips brush against your forehead. "I had no idea what was going on. We've all been leaning on you and your power, and no one ever stopped to think where it came from."

"It's ok. Nobody asked for this." Aki cradled you in his arms, gently stroking your hair. Around you, you could hear the rest of your dorm mates returning to their rooms. You were glad to be here, where you didn't have to face them. Aki spoke again.

"What's it really like?" he asked softly. "Being able to summon multiple Personas." Your eyes squeezed shut. All of your friends had asked you the same question before. The others would jabber on and on about their Personas and their special abilities. You, of course, were excluded from these conversations. _Your_ ability was like the number zero.

Empty, but with infinite possibilities.

"What's it like only having one?" you shot back.

"Sorry," he muttered. He apologized too much. You didn't pull away from him, though. After a long moment, he decided to fix the silence by answering your question, or trying to. "Caesar's like... um..." He paused. "I mean, he's kind of…" He trailed off.

"A part of you that surfaces to protect you when you're in danger," you mumbled, paraphrasing Igor. "The part of you that emerges from your will to face Death itself."

"Yeah, I guess." He sounded surprised by your blunt words.

"Which part of you is he?" Akihiko took a long moment to think about the question. He obviously hadn't been expecting you to turn his quiet inquiry on its head like this. When he finally spoke, it was hesitant.

"I think he's my will to fight," he said. "I mean, that sounds stupid. But, my whole life, I've been obsessed with becoming stronger. Caesar can punch harder than I ever could, and he never slows down." You sensed he wasn't finished, so you waited. "He's sort of- God, this sounds ridiculous- he's kind of, the me I always wanted me to be. Back then." You could feel Akihiko's sincerity as he spoke. He was doing his best, even if he wasn't very articulate about it.

Well, if he could talk to you about his Persona, it seemed unfair not to tell him at least a little bit about your wacky menagerie.

You'd never told anyone in your group about any of your special abilities. You'd never told them about Pharos, or the Velvet Room. They wouldn't believe you, anyway, right? What was the point? But now, Aki was asking you, and you felt you could tell him.

"I don't know which Persona corresponds to which part of me," you said slowly. Honesty felt both unfamiliar and frightening, and you found yourself longing for the comfort of deception-by-omission; however, you forged ahead. "I don't know if they're all me, or just some of them are, or none of them are at all. All I know, is that every time I call out a new Persona, it feels like it takes that part of me with it." You closed your eyes. "Maybe eventually, there'll be nothing left." Akihiko said nothing, but he squeezed you tighter.

"I mean, who am I?" you continued, your voice rising. "I had Death living inside of me for ten years. Who knows what that did to me? Maybe the real me died ten years ago. Maybe no one's ever known her at all, and that's why I can summon all those Personas. There's nothing inside, so my power can take any form it wants. Maybe I'm just another Shadow stuck in a human's body, just like Ryoji."

"You're not a Shadow," Akihiko said firmly.

"I made Ryoji part human," you spat. "Who's to say he didn't make me part Shadow?"

"You're _not_ a Shadow," Akihiko repeated. You laughed bitterly. Yeah, if you were a Shadow, Aigis would have noticed by now. You were just so tired, and so frustrated. There were so many things about your power that you didn't- couldn't- understand. Was that by design? How often did people stumble into this power? And, what was it meant to be used for?

"No one knows this," you whispered, "but the only way I can power them- all the different Personas- is by drawing strength from the people around me." Akihiko's eyes hadn't left her face since she'd started talking, and here, they furrowed slightly, as if he were confused. "Everyone I talk to. I'm not strong enough to do it on my own." Your voice lowered to a whisper. "I'm a poison."

"That's not true," he said. He was still holding her in a gentle embrace, and he began to rub her back, to help her relax. "Do you- do you draw strength from me?" You closed your eyes again, and thought of the different Arcana- of the path inside your own soul that Akihiko had helped you to clear, without even realizing what he was doing.

"Yes."

"Take it," he murmured. "I've got so much strength, I'm giving it away." You laughed. Your response was irrational. You wouldn't understand what you felt at that moment until much later, but what you said was:

"Don't make promises you'll regret."

"I could never regret a promise to take care of you," he said.

"Oh, stop it," you giggled. "You're giving me a toothache." Aki had, apparently, never heard the phrase. He looked confused, and you caught him sneaking a glance at your mouth, to see if you were actually in pain.

"Huh?" he asked. You rolled your eyes.

"Means you're being too sweet."

"Oh." He smiled. "Is that a good thing?" You nodded. Aki stroked your hair again, and leaned down to give you a gentle kiss on the lips. You returned it in kind, but when he pushed for more, you stopped him.

"I'm so tired," you whispered. "Can we just sleep?" If Aki was disappointed, he didn't show it. Instead, he lowered you onto his bed, and cuddled up next to you, his arms around your waist, both of you fully clothed. You were too exhausted even to change into pajamas, and you were grateful that Aki didn't question you. Just as you were falling asleep, he whispered into your ear.

"Sweet dreams."

You'd been given a boatload of responsibility that you didn't want.

What were you going to do now?

* * *

><p>I was going to apologize for my uncreative story title, but then I realized- how messed up is it that there wasn't already a Persona story called 'The Fool'? I mean, come on! Based on Kathi's recommendation, though, I might have to change this story's title to 'Incest Necrophilia.'<p>

Anyway, here's some emo bullshit, and Akihiko trying really hard to be The Perfect Boyf. The next chapter goes back to the start of the year, and focuses on fighting. I don't know how many chapters there will be total yet. I basically just opened up a word document and started typing whatever I felt like, and now I'm arranging it into a story. I've also discovered recently that like, everyone hates Yukari? I mean, I guess I should've expected it- every fandom always hates on the girl characters. But I mean, really? Yukari's totally boss... and I didn't even mind Fuuka, even though she's kind of useless. I guess I played enough Ocarina of Time and Megaman X as a kid that useless asshole helper characters don't even bother me anymore.

Oh, and I'm sorry that I paraphrased the group's argument over what to do about Nyx. I mean, we've all heard the full version before. I didn't really care enough to transcribe it, honestly. I say this because apparently, Persona fans are serious business. Like, everyone who reviewed the porn chapter posted an articulate opinion on what they felt FeMC and Akihiko's relationship is like. The KH fans are always just like "LOLOLOLOL SORA DID STUFF LOLOLOL WHAT. I LIKE AXEL. WHATS A HEARTLESS."

...Don't tell them I said that. ;)

Toodleoo~


	3. Chapter 3

**The Fool - Chapter 3**

Your two senpai declared you leader on your first excursion to Tartarus. Junpei and Yukari were, understandably, somewhat displeased. Junpei in particular was not thrilled about being subordinate to a girl. Other girls might have been annoyed by that.

You just shrugged.

"Why does _she _get to be the leader?"

"She's the only one who can comfortably summon a Persona," Akihiko told them. Yukari looked uncomfortable. She still felt guilty over not being able to protect you. You yourself weren't sure what happened that night. After Yukari went down, you bent over, picked up her Evoker, and blasted yourself in the head. Everything that happened after that- your Persona's awesome transformation, in particular- was as yet unexplained; however, the damage was done. The others respected your power.

You found yourself wanting to tell everyone that it was totally just an accident.

But, really- did you want Junpei or Yukari to be leader? Neither of them seemed terribly responsible. With a resigned sigh, you kept your thoughts to yourself, tacitly accepting the responsibility that had been thrust upon you.

It didn't take long to figure out everyone's fighting styles. Yukari fought with a bow, so she would stay in the back and use magic. Junpei insisted on approaching every fight with a balls-to-the-wall level of aggression, charging directly towards every Shadow without even checking to see what he was attacking. That left you to take over a flanking position, which you were more or less comfortable with. While the Shadows were distracted by Junpei, you jabbed at them from the side, or behind. This strategy, such as it was, led you to be reasonably successful in your battles inside Tartarus.

"You're a very effective leader," Mitsuru told you, after the first week of training. You wanted to say that that was an accident, too. All you did was let your partners do what-the-fuck-ever, and fill in the holes.

Or, maybe that _was_ what effective leaders did. You weren't really sure.

In any case, thanks to the nights you spent inside Tartarus, you, Yukari, and Junpei developed an uneasy camaraderie. Even if you didn't much want to be friends with them, you had to trust them to have your back, just as you had theirs. Each night before you went to Tartarus, you all ate dinner together. It was a small ritual, but it helped keep your head in the game.

"How much longer do you think we have to go? Before we reach that barrier that Mitsuru-senpai mentioned, I mean," Yukari asked. You shrugged and swallowed your noodles.

"Dunno."

"Well, I'm sure it'll be a piece o' cake," Junpei said smugly. "If you need any help, Yuka-tan, don't hesitate to ask."

"Shut up."

That night, you reached the barrier. The following night, you faced your second ordeal. The Priestess Shadow, on the monorail. Mitsuru found it, and she sent you, Junpei, and Yukari to investigate. That night, you discovered an uncomfortable truth:

Shadows were much smarter than you'd given them credit for.

You'd taken for granted that they were just malicious monsters that only attacked you because that's what Shadows did: attacked whatever was near them. Your strategy worked because you were attacking stupid beasts, like sheep, or lions, or something. Unfortunately, the Priestess saw through your attack patterns.

"I see one!" Junpei shouted. He ran forward, the way he always did. The monorail cars were just too narrow for the three of you to run abreast comfortably with your weapons, so you were just behind him, and Yukari was behind you. As the three of you approached the Shadow, it turned around and floated away.

"I'm going after it," Junpei snarled.

"Hold on," Mitsuru said quietly. She used her Persona to talk to you, and it never stopped being creepy. "It's behaving strangely. It might be best not to rush ahead."

"But it's getting away!" Yukari, a few steps back, shook her head.

"Junpei-"

"You can see better than I can. What do you think we should do?" Mitsuru was talking to you, and you didn't miss Junpei's jealous sneer. Chasing after Shadows was what you usually did, so it seemed rational to follow that pattern again. Junpei, however, hadn't been there for the attack on the dorm, and if this Shadow was something like that one-

"I'm going in," Junpei shouted, and he charged into the next car. Apparently, he decided to decide for you. Yukari tried to run after him, but unfortunately, two shadows appeared, effectively separating you.

"They played us!" Yukari shouted. She took several steps back to get into attack position.

That left you as the buffer between her and the Shadows.

You hadn't attacked a Shadow head-on before, and you sensed that they knew that. Both of them charged at you, ignoring Yukari completely. The frantic, amorphous blobs were repulsive to you. You found yourself swallowing your own barf. Squeezing your eyes shut, you thrust forward with the bladed end of your weapon.

Something connected, but you didn't open your eyes to see what.

"Hey! Watch out!" The second Shadow was coming after you. It hit you from the side- _just like the way Junpei and I attack- _and you stumbled back. An arrow flew past you, narrowly missing your shoulder, and embedded in the Shadow's mask. It vanished. Yukari was shaking too hard to lower her bow.

"Are you all right?" she asked. You could see how heavily she was breathing. "This isn't a two-woman job."

"Catch up to Iori," Mitsuru barked into your mind. You stumbled forward into the next car automatically. Shadows that were smart enough to exploit the group's weaknesses?

This was a new kind of hell.

When you reached Junpei, he was in a one-man battle with three Shadows. You rescued him easily, with a shot from your Evoker. He didn't thank you. He was angry, and guilty, and embarrassed that he'd been rescued by a girl. You chose to ignore these emotions and move the fuck on with the mission. The monorail was moving. You ran towards the front of the train, taking for granted that Yukari and Junpei were behind you.

"Is this thing really willing to kamikaze itself just to kill us?" Yukari gasped.

"I'd rather not find out," you muttered back.

The three of you burst into the front car, and came face-to-face with the Priestess. She was shaped differently than the Shadow from the night you moved in, but she was a similar size and strength. She looked more human than the first Shadow. Even though she had no eyes, you could feel her staring at you. The message was clear.

_I've been waiting._

This Shadow had been pulling the strings. _It_ was the one controlling the train. To stop the train, you had to stop _it_. These thoughts occurred to you, in quick succession, accompanied by a powerful emotion that you weren't entirely familiar with.

The will to live.

You were in the habit of drifting along, rather comfortably at that, without feeling any strong attachment to life. Usually, your will to stay alive wasn't relevant. Being alive was something you took for granted. The only other time you'd been forced to confront your own mortality was a month ago, when you were attacked by the last Shadow.

Was this feeling what had called forth your Persona…?

In any case, you were _not _going to die on the stupid monorail.

You lowered your naginata and charged. Beside you, you could feel Junpei, doing the same.

"Watch out!" Mitsuru called. "The temperature is lowering- it's Bufu!" A wall of cold air hit you, and forced you back. Your Persona- Apsaras- was strong against ice, so you managed to stay on your feet, but Junpei was pushed back into Yukari. Ice creeped up the walls of the train car. The Shadow laughed, a creepy, high-pitched wail.

"What is that noise it's making?" Yukari wailed. You weren't sure how you knew it was a laugh, actually. Junpei was back on his feet, and he lunged at the Shadow, but was unable to make it through the ice.

"Dammit! I can't get close!" The train was accelerating. You bit down on your tongue so hard that it bled.

Now or never.

"Junpei! Together!" you shouted. You thrust your naginata at him, indicating that he should grab on. The two of you pointed the weapon directly at the Shadow's heart- or, where its heart would be, if it were a person. Your naginata wasn't really a stabbing weapon, but the blade was sharp enough to push through the oncoming wind. Protected by your resistance to cold, Junpei was able to hold on, and move forward.

"Eat it!" Junpei screamed, rather inarticulately.

The blade of your naginata buried itself into the Shadow's stomach.

The Priestess howled, this time with pain, and her hair and limbs began to fade away. With a mighty heave, you twisted the naginata. The mighty shriek made your brain split- you saw Junpei go down. The Shadow disintegrated in slow, uneven pieces.

As it disappeared, you felt an odd sensation.

You were at peace.

"We're not stopping!" Yukari startled you out of your relief. The monorail you were on wasn't stopping. Actually, you seemed to be speeding up. Junpei leaned heavily on the rail, having trouble regaining his balance. Mitsuru's voice popped into all of your heads.

"You're going to crash into another train!" Yukari screamed, and Junpei swore.

For an instant, you did nothing. People- or rather, movies and manga- had always told you that during a near-death experience, your life would flash before your eyes. Well, it did, sort of, but all you saw was a bored teenage girl listening to her headphones. For that instant, you thought, _would it even matter if I died_?

Fortunately- unfortunately?- that train of thought got derailed pretty quickly, thanks to another scream from Yukari, as she fell against the seats.

The train was accelerating.

You quickly glanced around for an escape route. The doors were still shut, and you were moving too quickly to jump out, anyway. You needed to put on the brakes. The three of you were stuck in the front car, and you could see where the operating equipment was. With only a slight stumble, you charged towards the console.

You dove, grabbed the first lever, and pulled as hard as you could.

The train's brakes screamed into action. You were thrown backwards against the wall, then fell sideways, smashing your head against the window. The noise was unbearable. Finally, the train screeched to an unsteady halt, and you tumbled forward onto the console. Behind you, you could hear Junpei and Yukari struggling to right themselves.

"W-what happened?" Junpei stammered.

"The brakes- did you-?" You recovered quickly from your fall, and walked casually back out into the train car. You weren't dead. That was a good thing. Yukari was staring at you with amazement. "How did you know which lever to pull?" You straightened your jacket, and shrugged.

"I guessed."

The others- save Junpei, of course- hailed your first real mission as leader as a smashing success. The Shadow had been eliminated, and no one was horribly injured, or dead. You supposed that those were, indeed, the hallmarks of a successful mission. Unfortunately, just like with the first battle, everything that had happened had been a total accident.

That didn't sit well with you.

Normally, you were aggressively apathetic. Rarely did something stir you enough to drive you to action. Your near-death experience, however, had inspired a bit of a change in you. For the first time, you'd actually fought for your life. Rather than approaching the day-to-day with a sigh and a _well, it's going to happen anyway, _you stood up and declared that you wanted to live. The emotion was heady and unfamiliar. But most importantly, it made you realize one thing:

You didn't want to have to _guess _to save your life again.

You started practicing with your naginata in your spare time. Your room was mostly empty, and you had just enough space to swing a hockey stick around without breaking anything. You did your research, of course, and looked up a few basic exercises online, before trying them yourself.

The progress, however, was rather slow.

Your room wasn't quite big enough for the more advanced maneuvers, so sometimes, at night, you sneak down to the lounge to practice there. With the table and chairs pushed aside, you had to plenty of room to practice your swings.

"One- two-" you murmured, hacking at invisible enemies. "One, two." Your midnight hockey practice sessions had become habit, now. Once the Dark Hour ended and everyone went to bed, you would double back, and set up your studio in the lounge. This particular evening, the group hadn't gone to Tartarus at all, so you were able to squeeze some extra training in.

Your speed was getting better, as was your hitting power. It was difficult to practice accuracy with no targets. You'd have to look into that, later. But just as you launched an all-out attack on a particularly gruesome imaginary Shadow-

"Hey. Training hard?" Without stopping your follow-through, you spun around and pointed your weapon at the intruder.

Akihiko Sanada.

"Whoa," he said. He put his hands up, as if to say, _I come in peace. _You lowered your hockey stick, and brushed your sweaty bangs out of your eyes- an instinctive effort to make yourself look more presentable.

"Hey, Senpai," you greeted. You hadn't spent any time alone with Akihiko-senpai. That would be improper. He was, after all, your Senpai, and also a boy. You also got the impression that he didn't like talking to people, anyway. At least, no one besides Mitsuru Kirijo.

"Don't you need your sleep? All the training in the world won't do you any good if you don't keep yourself in good physical condition." You felt his concern, academic as it was. You were indeed exhausted from training during the Dark Hour, and you obligingly flopped down into a nearby chair.

What were you supposed to say, anyway? _It's ok, I sleep in class_?

You'd thought that Akihiko had come from upstairs, but on second inspection, you realized that he'd come in from outside- you just hadn't heard the door while you were practicing. His clothes were dirty, and he had a bruise on his lip. He'd moved straight past you to pour a glass of water in the kitchen. Realization dawned on you.

"Does Mitsuru-senpai know you've been sneaking out to fight at night?" you asked, one eyebrow raised. He was still injured, and you both knew that dear Mitsuru would have some strong words if she found out. For a second, Akihiko hesitated, before downing his water in one gulp. You saw him shuffle his hands. He was trying to cover up bruises on his left knuckle. Akihiko was clearly conflicted- torn between lying, or telling the truth, or saying nothing at all.

Well, this way your midnight training sessions could stay undisturbed.

You stood back up, hoisted your hockey stick, and went back into your routine. One, two. You changed from practicing slashes, to jabs. Akihiko was now fiddling around in the kitchen, maybe making himself a sandwich. Whatever he was doing, it wasn't going upstairs. You could feel him watching you.

"Bend your knees a little more," he said, suddenly. "Your stance is weak. You don't want to get knocked over." You gritted your teeth, but obliged. Sure enough, your attacks felt stronger, and more balanced. Your level of control was enhanced.

"Thanks," you said.

"You're doing a really good job, by the way," he added. You supposed he meant fighting Shadows, or maybe he meant as leader. You obviously weren't that strong a leader if you couldn't even stop Junpei from sprinting off to get himself killed.

"I've never fought anything before," you admitted, following through with a particularly aggressive strike. "I mean, the others- Yukari-san already knows how to use a bow, and I'm sure Junpei-kun's at least street-brawled a couple of times."

"You've never played any sports, or anything?"

"I used to play softball, in middle school," you admitted. "They called me the Wall. I had this really low center of gravity, and none of the other girls could knock me over." You paused. "I don't know why we were trying to knock each other over in softball." Akihiko laughed at that, a genuine laugh, though it was quiet. You weren't sure why you felt the need to share a charming childhood anecdote with him. Usually, you didn't go in for that sort of thing.

"Maybe sometime you can teach me how to throw a punch," you grinned. "After your ribs are healed, of course."

"It's not that hard. Just make sure you use your whole body- it's all about the momentum." He demonstrated, slowly, pulling his shoulder back and twisting his upper body to provide the force for the blow. You copied his motion, using your right hand.

"Yeah, that's pretty good," he said. "Just imagine a Shadow in front of you. That makes it easier."

"Ew," you said, automatically. Akihiko laughed again.

"Punching them's not that bad," he grinned. "It's actually pretty satisfying."

"I'll take your word for it."

You didn't see Akihiko at night again. Either he was more careful about sneaking out, or he'd stopped doing it altogether. You quietly assumed it was the former. Soon enough, though, his ribs were healed, and he was planning to re-join the team. You hoped that that would relieve you of your leader duties, but you had no such luck.

"Do you mind staying on as leader?" he asked. Like you were gonna say no.

The group dynamic changed dramatically when Akihiko joined. He was different from the others. Junpei and Yukari- and yourself, though you didn't want to admit it- stumbled through battles, waving your weapons and letting your Personas do most of the work. Akihiko-senpai, by contrast, was both experienced and physically strong. He approached fighting with a passion that set him apart from the rest of you. Within the first couple battles, you realized that you weren't really going to be able to tell him what to do. Besides that, he fought without using a weapon, so he had to be in the heart of the battle to do any damage. That made him a target.

"Junpei," you said. "Attack the same enemies as Akihiko-senpai." With both of you flanking, you could prevent your senpai from getting too brutally injured. Of course, Akihiko didn't see it that way, and you chose not to mention it.

"All right, if you say so," Junpei muttered. He didn't like taking orders from you, even if those orders were closer to suggestions. In any case, you were pleased to discover that he did more damage with his sword when he wasn't attacking from the front.

Strategy, man. You had it.

When Fuuka joined your group, your tactics became even more complicated, thanks to Fuuka's constantly feeding you information on enemy movements and weaknesses. The Shadows seemed to have become aware of your decidedly unwanted presence, and they were getting stronger, too. Still, your group won every fight without much difficulty.

Until the Shadow's tactics became more complicated, too.

You went into Tartarus one night in the middle of June. Junpei, Yukari, and Akihiko came with you into the maze, with Mitsuru staying behind to support Fuuka. She was still shaky on their missions, understandably so, and no one wanted to leave her alone on the first floor.

In minutes, the four of you met a pack of Shadows, strong but nowhere near impossible. The fight started out in a perfectly normal fashion.

"It's weak against wind," Fuuka shouted. Even after months of exploring, you still weren't used to hearing voices inside your head like that; however, you nodded over at Yukari before hoisting your Evoker. Fortuna erupted from inside of you with a powerful Magaru, just as Io did the same. Like usual, Akihiko and Junpei charged directly into the swarm, weapons blazing.

The first Shadow went down easily, and Akihiko charged towards the second one. It lifted its hands, as if it were going to attack, but it used a spell you'd never seen before. Whatever it was, it managed to stop Akihiko in his tracks, and that was no easy feat. You kind of respected that little Shadow.

Or, you did, until Akihiko turned on his heel and charged towards you, instead.

Both of your senpai had warned you about Shadows that were able to manipulate thoughts. Draw up old memories, take advantage of your healing abilities. Force you to attack your comrades.

Your suspicions that this was, indeed, the last type of spell were confirmed, when Akihiko evoked and sent his Persona barreling towards you. You blocked his Zio attack easily.

"Senpai, what are you doing?" Junpei yelled.

"Akihiko-senpai isn't thinking straight!" you heard Fuuka gasp.

"No shit," you snapped back. Polydeuces vanished, and you figured he was going to back down. But of course, you were never that lucky. Akihiko scowled and stared at you with flat eyes.

He tossed his Evoker aside, and lunged.

You pressed your own Evoker against your temple, but Akihiko didn't give you enough time to use it. He was on you in a second, and he knocked it out of your hand, as easily as if you'd thrown it away yourself. You barely had a chance to grab your naginata before he was throwing a punch at you, a punch that you were sure you only dodged because his movements were a tiny fraction slower than usual. A quick look around told you that Junpei and Yukari were tied up fighting the Shadows; that left you to deal with Akihiko yourself.

"We're coming!" you heard Yukari shout. You held your naginata in front of you as you dodged Akihiko's wild swings, careful to keep the blunt end pointing forward, waiting for an opportunity to strike back.

Finally, he punched just a bit too hard, and when he missed, you were able to duck behind him. Instinctively, you swung your naginata at his back; at the last moment, you managed to redirect it to the back of his knees. You thought you were only hitting him with the pole, but you saw a flash of red as the blade grazed the skin.

"Shit, I'm sorry," you said, automatically. But your blow hadn't managed to knock Akihiko down. In that one moment when you hesitated, he righted himself, and launched another attack.

You got to find out _exactly _how hard a boxing champ punches.

You felt your teeth cut the inside of your mouth. Your neck cracked as you were knocked aside. Akihiko followed up with another punch, straight to your gut. Blood flew out of your mouth. Your naginata tumbled uselessly onto the floor.

"Someone help her!" Fuuka shouted. Akihiko grabbed you from behind, and put you in a headlock, twisting your neck so hard you saw stars. He was taller than you, and your feet lifted up off the ground, only slightly. You'd never felt so small and helpless. He was choking you. You were going to pass out.

You hadn't been entirely truthful when you told Akihiko that you'd never been in a fight. At your middle school, where you'd had quite the reputation, a girl from your class had approached you in the bathroom and accused you of stealing her boyfriend. You, naturally, told her to shove it. Instead, she shoved you. That was when you slapped her. By the end of the slap fight, the two of you were both bruised and suspended from school.

"Girls fighting," your teacher had said. "What is this world coming to?"

Those memories came flooding back to you now, even though you weren't really sure why. In any case, you suddenly remembered how you'd gotten that bitch to let go of your hair.

Hoping that Akihiko was not used to girl-fighting, you stomped on his foot as hard as you could.

That didn't get you as far as you'd hoped, but it did surprise him enough to loosen his grip, only slightly. It was enough to be able to bite him in the arm. You tasted something bitter and you realized it was his blood. Without stopping to think about how fucked up that was, you reached behind you and grabbed a fistful of his hair- too short for a good yank, but he had enough for it to hurt. You pulled as hard as you could.

Your triple-attack was enough to disorient Akihiko, probably because he was already disoriented to begin with. You thought, quickly, about what would be the easiest way to incapacitate him. What do they always tell girls to do to boys who grab them inappropriately?

You curled your fingers into a tight fist, and clubbed him in the balls.

When he stumbled back, you whirled around, and kneed him in the crotch again, as hard as you could. It was going to hurt like hell tomorrow, but then, he'd almost broken your neck, so you didn't really care. You could already feel a bruise forming under your left eye.

"Hey! Get back!" You heeded Junpei's order just in time to watch Hermes plow into Akihiko from the side, pinning him to the wall. The Shadow's spell seemed to be wearing off, and Akihiko slumped into semi-consciousness.

"Sorry it took me so long," Junpei gasped. You were sure it was only a matter of seconds, but everything seems to take longer when you're scrabbling for oxygen. You found yourself pleased that Junpei wanted to protect you, even if he didn't want you to be leader. Your trust in him grew.

Meanwhile, Yukari was holding off the last of the Shadows with a flurry of non-stop Garu spells. Just as she prepared the final blow, the last Shadow burst free from the pack, barely escaping Yukari's fatal spell. It slipped behind her, and paused. For the briefest of moments, you could see the wheels turning behind its beady little eye-sockets. You were the most vulnerable of your group, still knocked off balance, with no weapon at the ready. It was only strategy, after all.

You understood the Shadow.

It bolted towards you with a maniacal force.

"Hey! Look out!"

"It's coming right for you!" You heard your friends' warnings, but it wasn't like you had any time to get out of the way, anyway. If you reached for your naginata, the Shadow would be able to hit you in the back. No, the only way was to face it head-on. You stared directly into the Shadow's eerie mask, and bent your knees.

"What are you doing?" Junpei screeched. You balled your hands into tight fists. You squared your posture, twisted your waist and hips, and leaned into your back foot, building up pressure. You calculated carefully, based on the Shadow's speed, and right when it was upon you, you loosed your fist.

The Shadow ran head-on into the Wall.

Your fist connected with the mask. You felt just a tiny hint of resistance, before it gave way with a mighty crack. The mask shattered, and your fist burst through, straight through the Shadow's would-be head. You'd never touched a Shadow before. It felt cold, and gooey. Like stale pudding.

"Whoa- what-?"

The Shadow broke into several pieces, flailing miserably on the ground, and then you stomped on them 'til they were dead. It was a delicious, cathartic feeling. When the Shadow had been reduced to goop, you casually flipped your hair, and bent down to pick up your weapon.

"Dude," Junpei stammered. "Dude. Did you just kill a Shadow with your _bare hands_?"

"Yeah," you said, casually. "Pretty sweet, right?" Your teammates stared at you with slack-jawed admiration and respect.

Something swelled inside of you.

You identified it as pride.

Yeah, that's right. _This, _this right here,is why you got to be leader, and not them. 'Cause you were a super-powered badass, that's why. You had abilities they didn't have. You were able to act when they couldn't. You beat up Akihiko Sanada, undefeated boxing champion.

From that moment on, you were at peace with your leadership role.

Yukari rushed over to cast Dia on Akihiko, and soon he was well enough to be walked out of Tartarus. His head still hadn't cleared, and you couldn't really talk to him, but he was mobile, and that was what was important. Junpei supported him on his shoulder as you walked through the labyrinth.

"I think we're all tired. That's probably enough for the night." You strutted over to the access point and led the team back down to the entrance. After collecting Mitsuru and Fuuka, the six of you headed back towards the dorm. You, Junpei, Yukari, and Fuuka chatted amicably as the Dark Hour faded and normal time started up again. Mitsuru immediately dragged Akihiko off to treat his wounds, and you didn't see him again.

The next morning, the blow you'd taken to the face had produced a pretty beautiful shiner. You covered it up the best you could at school, and thankfully, if anyone at school noticed, they didn't say anything. That night, you were studying in your room when you heard a timid knock on your door. You immediately recognized the knock as not belonging to Yukari or Mitsuru, your usual visitors.

"Who is it?"

"It's me. Uh, Akihiko." You stood up and walked over to the door, pulling it open. Akihiko stared back at you, looking for all the world like a kicked puppy. You'd never seen him so miserable. His eyes traveled to the bruise on your face, and if possible, his misery deepened. He spoke quietly.

"I'm really sorry."

"It's not your fault." He was wearing shorts, and your eyes slid down to his left knee, which was wrapped in a tight bandage. His arm had a band-aid covering up where you'd bit him. "Besides, I messed you up, too." You wondered briefly if his groin had recovered from the blows, then decided it was better not to ask.

"Yeah, only because you were defending yourself." Akihiko's guilt choked the hallway. "I wasn't strong enough. I shouldn't have-"

"Seriously, don't worry about it. The bruise will heal in a couple days." Watching your senpai act so apologetic and sad was painful. He shuffled back and forth, staring at his hands.

"Ok. I mean, if you're ok," he said. Suddenly, he perked up. "I heard you killed the last Shadow by punching it in the face." A tiny smile appeared on his face. "Junpei told me. I guess you're a pretty good student, after all."

"Thanks, Senpai. You were right." He looked at you curiously, and you smiled. "It was pretty satisfying."

* * *

><p>LOLOL FUUKA'S DIALOGUE SUCKS LOLOL<p>

OMG I am cranking these out much too quickly. And they're getting longer. That leads to expectations. The scene with MShe fighting the charmed Akihiko was actually the first one I wrote- I wrote it after watching the opening of The Answer, where Aki fights Aigis. Of course, Aigis can shoot bullets out of her hands, so she doesn't need to punch him in the balls.

Many thanks to Kathi, who reviewed that last chapter not once, but two times. Hey- maybe you should get an FFnet account so I can actually reply to your reviews? Dammit, Kathi, I don't know how to quit you.

The next chapter will be about family. That's right. It's dead parents time. SPECIALIZED EXTRACURRICULAR BROKEN-HOME SQUAD UNITE

Bonus points to anyone who knows where "They called her the Wall. She had this really low center of gravity, and no one could knock her over" is from.

B-MU OUT


	4. Chapter 4

**The Fool - Chapter 4**

One rainy Friday afternoon, you decided to go to one of your clubs, and ended up holed up in the Home Economics room with Bebe. He'd been trying to teach you how to knit, and it wasn't really going that well. You cursed quietly as you hit another snag.

"What was zat?" Bebe asked curiously, in his distinctive foreign accent. Apparently, you'd used a word he wasn't familiar with.

"It's nothing," you said quickly. "I just screwed up again." Bebe made an unusual tsk'ing sound and came over to check your work. You felt guilty for tearing him away from his kimono again, but really, you just weren't any good at this.

You should've gone to tennis practice instead.

"Here, like zis," Bebe said kindly, and he tore out your mistakes, and once again taught you how to loop the yarn. You followed his motions the best you could. When he was satisfied that you could manage on your own, he went back to his sewing machine.

"Thanks," you said. "I'm sorry for slowing you down."

"It eez okay," he smiled. "I am happy to help my best tomodachi!" You smiled back at him, and you felt the bond between you strengthen. You could almost see the connection, as if you and Bebe were connected by a slender, golden thread. Other threads linked you to your other friends- the rest of SEES, your teammates, your classmates- basically everyone you talked to was linked to you, somehow. Most people talked freely about the phrase 'social network,' but they'd be appalled to see how literal it really was.

You weren't sure if you liked being able to see the truth. You felt like a fat spider in the middle of an expanding web. _Trading your innocence for power, _Yukari had said.

Boy, did she have it right.

Bebe worked in silence for a while, and in the meantime, you labored away at your scarf. You liked the red and orange yarn you'd picked out. It would be pretty when it was finished. The colors on Bebe's kimono were coming together nicely, too. You commented on how nice it looked.

"Oh! Oh- arigato," he said. Obviously, you'd broken his concentration. He looked flustered. "I hope zat my uncle, he likes eet."

"I'm sure he will. Anyone would."

"Yes," Bebe said, after a moment of thought. His brow was furrowed and his lips were pouted. He looked kind of silly, actually, when that was combined with his long nose and weird haircut.

You weren't a big ol' fancy-pants like Mitsuru Kirijo. You'd never traveled outside the country, or even very far away from Port Island, for that matter. Orphans didn't really get any travel money, you never studied any foreign languages, and you were never inspired enough to apply for any study abroad programs. You admired Bebe's determination to escape his home.

"What's it like, back in France? I've never traveled anywhere before." You'd always sensed that Bebe didn't want to talk about his home, but you were genuinely curious. Besides, with the way he always talked about living with his aunt and uncle- well, let's just say that you suspected the two of you had more in common than either of you were letting on.

Sure enough, Bebe's expression darkened. He didn't enjoy talking about his home at all.

"Eet eez okay," he sighed. "But I was not happy zere." He wasn't going to say anything else about it. Should you bring up the whole no-parents thing, or keep it to yourself? You sensed that Bebe was lonely, and needed a friend.

"It's ok," you said. "I don't have any parents, either." He looked up at you, surprised.

You'd gotten much more used to talking about your dead parents lately.

Everyone in SEES had some sort of awful familial problem. Most of them had at least one close relative who'd died in a horrible manner. Somehow, it had never occurred to any of them to talk to each other about these things, but they all managed to corner you to rant about their latest dead cat, or whatever. Of course, that was how it worked. You were the link.

They were all connected to you, but not to each other.

The first was Yukari. You were unconscious in the hospital for a week and a half, and the moment you woke up, she greeted you with a sob story about her dead father and her crazy mom. You couldn't have cared less if you tried. At least she _had _a crazy mom.

That night, for the first time in as long as you could remember, tears welled up in your eyes when you thought of your parents.

As you became closer, though, you began to see parallels to your own life. Her father had died in a horrible accident, the same way that your parents had. She never spoke to her mother, so she might as well not have had one. You supposed that parentless by choice was more or less the same as parentless by force-of-untimely-death.

Not too long after that, Junpei decided to dump his feelings on you, too. He took you out to lunch at Hagakure and started spilling his guts about his alcoholic father. You listened in polite silence. Well, up until he got to the part where shit got weird.

"Some people would probably be better off having no parents at all," he sighed into his soup. You raised an eyebrow.

"My parents weren't alcoholics." Junpei, to his credit, immediately realized that he'd said something insensitive. He scrambled to apologize, but you shrugged it off. Your parents had died before you were old enough to remember much about them. You had no aunts, uncles, grandparents, family friends, or other secondary sources to tell you any stories. Maybe they _were _alcoholics. There was really no way of knowing.

"I just- I was really happy when I got to come live in the dorm," Junpei continued, once he was sure you weren't going to burst into tears. "It's so much better than living at home. And I know people at school- well, it's really too bad that our dorm isn't, you know, open to other kids."

"It's getting pretty full, anyway," you mused.

"Yeah." Junpei laughed a little. He hadn't touched his soup for several minutes. "It's almost like having a new family."

"Hmm. Would you call us a family?" You thought of Yukari and Junpei calling each other names, and Mitsuru's babysitting Akihiko, and Akihiko's habit of pouting a lot and sneaking out at weird times, and Fuuka's desperate attempts to keep up with everything that was going on.

This conversation occurred, of course, before your so-called family included a robot.

"Well, we fight a lot and stuff. But normal families do that, too."

"I guess I don't really know what 'normal' families are like." It was true. The only friends you'd ever had before SEES were other kids at the orphanage. The women who worked there always told all of you that you were 'like a family,' but you rejected the idea wholesale, because if you'd had any brothers or sisters, they'd be _way _cooler than the losers you lived with. Your idea of a family, the families you saw in movies and on TV, was so perfect and idyllic that it was fully incongruent with the reality of living with twenty other kids in a cheap orphanage.

It also didn't line up with the realities of daily life at the Iwatodai dorm.

"Well, trust me when I tell you that SEES is way more normal than my family." Junpei poked at his ramen. "Sorry for talking to you about all of this," he said awkwardly. You just shrugged. Listening to people bitch about how bad their lives sucked was part of your job as protector of the human race.

Sure enough, the rest of the team's sob stories came out later.

Mitsuru's mother died under mysterious circumstances. Ok, the circumstances probably weren't mysterious at all, but Mitsuru demonstrably had no living female parent and she never mentioned anything about it, as if she'd just popped into the world as a professionally-styled young woman. Her father was gunned down in front of the entire team, though, so that kinda made up for it.

Ken never knew his dad, who was apparently some kind of wandering deadbeat, and his mom died in a freak accident. A freak accident named Castor. _That_ was a mess you chose not to get involved in. Neither Shinji nor Ken mentioned it to you, and you aggressively did not ask.

Koromaru dragged you to the shrine every night to visit his dead master. Fuuka theorized that he just wanted to show the priest that he was ok. You figured that Koromaru was just a creature of habit- a crotchety old man trapped in a dog's body.

Aigis was a fucking robot.

Shinji and Aki grew up in the same orphanage, but besides that, you knew nothing about their origins. Neither boy ever mentioned how his parents had died, but Akihiko was a font of information on his dead baby sister. He said you reminded him of her. You were unsure of what to do with that information.

"Um," you said, as delicately as you could manage. "I remind you of your four-year-old sister?" Aki seemed to realize how weird that sounded, and he kept his mouth shut.

Yes, everyone was surprisingly open with you about their familial what-the-fuckery. You, however, chose not to reciprocate. It didn't start out as intentional, but the closer you got to your friends, the less you wanted to share with them. Long-dead parents weren't that big a deal compared to Yukari's constant fights with her mom, or Ken's crazy vendetta, right? Besides, you barely remembered them. Even when you tried, which was basically never, you couldn't even begin to picture their faces.

Of course, it all came out in the most melodramatic way possible.

One night, late in the fall, not long after you'd destroyed the last big Shadow, the group went to Tartarus to blow off some steam. Tartarus kept opening itself up, higher and higher, and you and your friends ran upwards with a vicious recklessness, hacking through Shadows and not caring how you would get back down.

"Aren't you tired?" Fuuka asked you, again.

"No," you snapped. "I can keep going." You'd brought Aigis with you, and she wasn't going to tire out. Yukari was hanging back and focusing on healing spells to save energy. Akihiko was disheveled, but alert- you could see him giving you worried glances, and you chose to ignore them.

It was only a matter of time, really, before you hit a wall you couldn't bust through.

You staggered under the blows, but managed to stay in the fight. Fumbling for your Evoker, you pressed it against your temple, not even caring which Persona answered your call, or when.

_I have to kill it, _you thought dumbly. _Kill it with fire._

Blinded by panic and crippled by pain, you didn't even see which Persona burst out of you to loose the Agi spell. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Akihiko and Yukari, both running towards you. Aigis was blasting the Shadow from behind. Its attention stayed fixed on you. Just as Aigis hit it with a finishing blow, it managed to get off one last Bufu spell-

One last Bufu spell that hit you square in the chest.

You slammed backwards into the wall, knocking the back of your head so hard that your vision blacked out. Your Persona was screaming in pain.

_Cold cold cold I hate cold it's so cold why cold cold cold_

Akihiko reached you just as you crumpled to the ground. The cold was building from the pit of your stomach and spreading through your blood, out to your fingertips and the tip of your nose, and a fog of cold hair burst out of your mouth when you exhaled. You were shaking, violently, but you were so numb you couldn't even feel it. Yukari cast a frantic Dia spell, while Akihiko just grabbed you and pulled you close. He was warm- a warmth that both drew you in and repulsed you.

"She's bleeding," you heard Aki say, as if he were speaking through a curtain. Yukari cast a second Dia spell. The healing made you more alert, but did nothing to stop the pain. You were still unable to see much more than bright lights and foggy shapes.

"What," you whispered. "I can't see." Aki squeezed you tighter.

"You're gonna be ok."

"We need to get her to a hospital," Yukari shouted. She was shouting for Fuuka. "Get Mitsuru-senpai- tell her what happened-"

"I will take her," Aigis stated.

"No you won't," Akihiko snarled. Were you in better shape, you might have told Aki to stop acting like a bitch. Unfortunately, you were shaking too hard to form words, and you didn't much care who said what to whom, as long as you didn't die in the middle of the pissing contest.

You must have blacked out, because suddenly, you were outside of Tartarus. The weight of the Dark Hour had lifted, and you could feel the cool night air. Aki was still nearby. So were the others. You felt mechanical fingers clutching your own- Aigis was holding your hand. The cold was still cycling through you.

Was this how Aki felt when he got hit with a Bufu spell?

You hated the cold, you always had. Aigis squeezed your hand a little tighter than was comfortable. You were reminded of your parents' funeral.

_My parents' funeral…_

They had died in the winter. Their burial was outdoors. You were only six years old then, and had only the most basic understanding of what was happening. Mommy and Daddy were never coming back, and all that. The night it happened, you stayed at the police station, before being shunted into the first of an infinite number of temporary homes. Your very first foster mother had brought you to see the funeral service. She was a stern, older woman, who'd had dozens of foster kids, and knew better than to let one misbehave. Her grip was painfully tight. A not-so-subtle message- _don't make a scene._

You hadn't been back to their graves in a long time. They were buried near Port Island, but you hadn't had a chance to go see them since coming back. Saving the world, and all that. Your parents didn't have any family, or even any friends, at least, not that you could remember. They certainly hadn't left you anything, given that they died young, in an unexpected accident.

It was a miracle you survived, really. When the car swerved into the bridge railing, and those creatures burst out of the ground-

_An… accident…?_

"She's asking for her mother," someone nearby said. Whoever it was, their voice was full of worry. One of your friends, maybe? "How bad is it?" Apparently, you were back in the present. You tried to open your eyes, but the aggressive white lighting forced them closed again. Your head seared in pain.

"She has a concussion, and heavy bruising. She'll have to stay here for a few days-"

"A few _days_!"

"I'll make the arrangements." Mitsuru's calm voice made it down to your ears. Something about her was steady, and strong, and you clung to her words as you began to struggle back towards consciousness.

"But, Senpai-"

"We'll come back and see her tomorrow," she said shortly. You wanted desperately to ask them not to leave, but your throat was swollen shut. What you now knew to be bright hospital lights were boring through your eyelids.

"Visiting hours are posted in the lobby." The doctor's voice was cold. The lingering effects of the Bufu you'd been hit with stirred in your gut. You heard your friends leave, and the door slid shut.

You were alone.

Your eyes closed. You were tired, unbearably so, but for whatever reason, sleep wouldn't come. The pain stayed with you, as if to spite you, since all your friends had left. It sat at your bedside, stroking your forehead, in short bursts of agony. The fantasy was strangely comforting. No one had taken care of your injuries, not for as long as you could remember. You leaned towards the fake touch, but were stopped short by what appeared to be a neck brace.

You hadn't even noticed that you'd been forced into one.

Few things were more upsetting to you than being trapped. Inside Tartarus, with the others, you were able to keep it together- but now, now you were alone, in a strange room, with an IV plugged into your arm. You tried to tug it out, only to discover that your arms were strapped down, too.

The panic set in.

You let out a cry and began to struggle, as hard as you could, against the restraints. Sharp daggers shot through your brain, and you didn't care. Just as it had when the Shadow attacked you, your fear prevented you from thinking clearly, or rationally. Any care for self-preservation was lost. It didn't matter if you gave yourself permanent brain damage- all you needed was to _get out, now._

The overbearing foster mother was gripping your hand. You wanted to run to your parents, but you couldn't. Snow was falling, and the flakes got caught in your eyelashes, as you tried to cry. Your eyes were frozen. You couldn't summon a single tear, not even for your parents, as they were lowered into the ground.

You cried out again, a scream, followed by dry sobs. This time, the hospital staff heard you, and soon, a noisy crowd of people was rushing into your room. You felt something sharp prick your arm. Heard someone use the word "sedative."

The hospital room faded away. For a long time, everything stayed dark and peaceful, and for that, you were grateful. When you became aware of yourself and your surroundings once again, you were in one of the last places you'd expect.

"The Moonlight Bridge…?" Saying the words out loud didn't make you any less confused. Your body felt heavy. You were lying down on the pavement. Nearby, you could hear screams, and out of the corner of your eye, you spotted the silhouette of a car, flipped upside-down, with its wheels spinning impotently in the air.

You struggled into a more-or-less upright position. Thick blood was pooling everywhere. You recognized the usual signs of the Dark Hour. A full moon hung low in the sky. There were no coffins, but you supposed that no one would be on the Moonlight Bridge this late at night, anyway. Right?

Just as you got onto your feet, you were knocked back onto the ground by a mighty explosion. Your head cracked against the ground, and the wind was forced out of your lungs.

You saw a pair of bright blue, ethereal eyes.

A flash of light-

"Hey- hey, are you all right? Doctor!" You heard panicked voices. Your eyes flew open.

"I'm ok," you gasped, automatically. You were back inside the hospital. More memories came back to you, and you realized you were still in restraints. Using all of your willpower, you managed not to freak out again. Your heart was pounding and your breathing was rough. "I'm ok," you repeated, more forcefully. As your head began to clear, you knew that all you wanted was _not _to be sedated again.

"Are you sure?" It was Akihiko's voice. Relief spread through you.

"I'm sure. Aki… thanks." You used his nickname. You could hear him smile as he sat back down, even though his concern for you was heavy enough to fill the room.

"How long was I out?"

"Only overnight. Apparently, it's hard to keep you down." You tried to laugh, but it hurt too much.

"Don't do that," Akihiko said sternly. "They're already saying that if you don't calm down, you'll have to stay through the weekend." Even so, he removed the restraints on your arms, so he could hold your hand. You flexed your wrists gratefully. On your side table, you noticed an elaborate bouquet of flowers.

"Thanks for the flowers," you said. Akihiko blushed.

"Those aren't from me." He must have realized how that sounded, because he hurriedly pressed on. "I- I mean, those are from Mitsuru and the others. The rose is from me. While they were shopping, Yukari mentioned they were your favorite, so…" he trailed off, clearly embarrassed. Upon closer inspection, next to the brilliant and formal Kirijo bouquet was a single pink rose, in a vase of its own.

"Thanks for the flower," you corrected, with a tiny smile. "It's really beautiful."

"Yeah, well, you're really beautiful," he said. You raised an eyebrow, and he faltered. "I mean, not right this second. Right now, you look like total shit. But- oh geez, you know what I meant." You nodded, sort of- the best nod you could manage in a neck brace. Akihiko squeezed your hand. For a long while, you stayed like that, quiet and comfortable.

"How far away is Shinjiro-senpai?" you asked. You were correct in assuming that he hadn't magically recovered from his coma during the twelve or so hours that you were unconscious.

"Two doors down."

"You'd better visit him while you're here, too. I don't want him yelling at me for hogging all the attention."

"Tch. He'll be fine." A piece of hair tumbled in front of your eyes, and Akihiko brushed it back out of the way. "You don't have to stay awake just because I'm here, you know," he said softly. "You need your rest. I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't want to sleep anymore," you protested. "Weird dreams."

"Oh?" The way he said it indicated that he wanted to know what you'd been dreaming about. You weren't sure what your dreams had meant, yourself, or even if they'd been dreams at all. After all, you'd thought Pharos was a dream, and he'd managed to show up in front of you in broad daylight.

"Do you dream about dead people?" you asked bluntly. Aki blinked in surprise. When he answered, it was a mumble.

"Yes. All the time."

"Have you ever suddenly remembered something you forgot, and now that you remember, you feel like a total idiot for ever forgetting, and it feels like you never forgot it at all?" The question tumbled out of you a little too quickly. Maybe it was the concussion talking, or maybe you were just straight-up bad with words. Aki stayed silent. He might not have understood the question.

"I dreamt about my parents' funeral." You said it quietly. "I haven't thought about their funeral for a long time. They must've died in the fall or the winter, because I remember it being cold, but I don't remember the date. I don't remember- isn't that weird?"

"You were pretty young-" he started, but you cut him off. That was bullshit, and you both knew it.

"You were the same age as me," you argued. "Do you know the day your parents died? Do you know _how_ they died?" Aki's expression darkened. You were being unfair to him, and you didn't care. He tried to speak again. You cut him off again.

"Do you remember the day Miki died?"

Akihiko visibly flinched, as if he'd been slapped.

"You know that I do." You hesitated, an apology at the tip of your tongue, but Akihiko recovered, and so, you pressed on.

"Everyone always told me my parents died in an accident." Your voice was soft, but intense. "I've been telling people my parents died in an accident for as long as I can remember. But the dreams I've been having- I think I was there. I think I _saw_ them die," you breathed. "So- why don't I remember?"

"I know what you're saying, but I don't think you'll be able to figure it out while you have a concussion," he said softly. "Trust me- I've had a lot of concussions." A sharp laugh burst out of you, and you made a mental note to hold that particular line against him later.

"I thought head injuries were supposed to make you forget, not remember."

"Well, you're special."

"But I don't want to be special," you whispered. "I just want to know how my parents died." Your dead parents had been a simple fact of your life for so long, and you'd never thought to question when or why. Now, the questions burned away at your mind and heart, exacerbated by the restraints on your injured body.

"You'll figure it out. I have faith in you."

"Why?"

"Because you're you." Aki didn't have time to elaborate on this rather vague thought before the rest of SEES came bursting into your room. He quickly dropped your hand.

Yeah, you were still secret-dating. Lame, but necessary. You were the leader, after all, and you wouldn't want the rabble to think you were picking favorites. It wasn't like anyone was buying the act, though. Especially Yukari. Nothing got past Yukari.

"You're awake!" Junpei whooped, shoving Akihiko aside to sit next to your bed.

"Give her some space," Mitsuru laughed. She left the room, probably to speak with the doctor. She always had business on her mind.

"Nice rose," Yukari smirked. You had a suspicion she'd name-dropped your favorite flower near Akihiko on purpose. Ok, it was more than a suspicion. Yukari had totally name-dropped your favorite flower near Akihiko on purpose. _Nothing _got past her.

"I made you some rice balls," Fuuka said. "I figured you could use something that wasn't hospital food." She placed a container of food on the table next to you. You probably weren't going to be able to eat anything, what with the neck brace and your total lack of appetite, but the thought was nice.

"Hi, guys," you said, feebly. You found yourself looking at Aigis, who was lingering at the back of the crowd. Her bright blue eyes were dull, and turned away. Ken was standing apart from everyone else, too. He saw you looking at him, and he offered up a tiny smile.

"Hello," he said. "I'm glad you're feeling better." A tiny blush appeared on his cheeks. "We all are," he added quickly.

The whole group chattered energetically, as if you'd missed the whole world by being absent from school for one day. Honestly, you'd slept _voluntarily _for longer than you'd been unconscious, on multiple occasions. But the more the group fussed over you, the more you came to realize-

You were as connected to them as they were to you.

They really were your family.

Later on, you'd learn the truth about your parents. That Aigis was there that night, too. That she'd sealed Death inside of you, and with it, your earliest childhood memories. At first, you thought the knowledge would upset you, but instead, you just felt peaceful. Whole. Like one last puzzle piece had been inserted into your soul, showing you the entire picture.

That last puzzle piece had a name, of course- Ryoji Mochizuki.

The night before the final battle, when the world was set to end, you took Koromaru to the shrine. Rather than run and play, like he usually did, he sat quietly by your side. You understood his thoughts- well, as best as a person can understand a dog.

He was at peace.

His old master, his friend, the priest- Koromaru was telling him that everything was going to be all right. The world _wasn't _going to end. But still, he was settling his doggy affairs, such as they were, just in case. Watching Koromaru, emotions turned inside of you, and you dwelled on your own unfinished business with the dead.

You didn't really know where your parents were buried. It had to be somewhere near Port Island, but that was all you had. Mitsuru probably had that information, with her connections- and, given that your parents had died in a Shadow incident- but you couldn't bring yourself to ask her. You weren't ready to see them face-to-grave, not yet. The shrine would have to do.

"Mom? Dad?" you began hesitantly. You'd never spoken to your dead parents before. The others did, you'd heard them- Yukari communing with her dead father, Ken visiting his mother's grave every weekend. Akihiko, sitting next to Shinji's hospital bed and telling him every boring thing that had happened to him all day. Koromaru leaned against your leg, as if to encourage you.

"Um, hi." That sounded stupid. "I'm sorry I haven't talked to you much." Koromaru snorted, as if he thought you sounded like a dork, too. He stayed at your side, though. You pressed on.

"I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know that- I'm gonna be ok. The world's not gonna end." Oh, crap- what if they didn't know about that? "I mean, not that it might! Seriously, don't sweat it." You winced. "Um, so, goodbye, I guess." You looked down at Koromaru, who stared back up at you, his tail wagging. The two of you turned to leave. Everyone was waiting for you back at the dorm. Fuuka had made dinner for everyone, to celebrate what might be your last night on Earth. Before you left, though, you addressed your parents one last time.

"Someday, I'll visit you for real," you said softly. "I promise."

* * *

><p>Now, I'm no medical professional, but I'm pretty sure no one would ever give sedatives to someone with a concussion. I mention this because y'all Persona fans are totally going to notice that and call me a lazy writer. Yeah, I'm lazy. I admit it freely. In any case, the scene where FeMC gets beat up and starts hallucinating about her parents was one of the first ones that I wrote.<p>

IN OTHER NEWS: I have an idea for a real Persona fic that's not just an awkward rehash-of-the-game porn vehicle! I'm super excited about this, you guys. Like, OMG.

IN OTHER OTHER NEWS: I'm going to be at both CTcon and Otakon this summer, and I'm working on a Yukari cosplay. Yes, that's right, I LIKE Yukari. So sue me. But seriously, if you're gonna be at either of those too and wanna meet up, PM me. Anything for the fans! :D

IN OTHER OTHER OTHER NEWS: The next chapter's going to be about Ryoji.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Fool - Chapter 5**

Ryoji Mochizuki offered you a choice.

The group gathered in the fourth floor meeting room. Ryoji sat in the head chair, where the Chairman used to sit. He explained everything to you- that the Shadows were a symptom, not the cause, of the Fall. And that the world was going to end, and all of that. The group switched, almost unconsciously, between staring at him, and staring at you. You were used to them staring at you all the time, of course, but this time was different. Normally, they looked to you for guidance. This time, they were looking at you like you were some kind of sideshow freak.

Option one was: kill him, lose your memories, and delay the end of the world. The second option was to fight Nyx, and inevitably lose.

The choice was left to you, of course. Wasn't that how these things always worked?

New Year's Eve came a bit more quickly than you'd expected. Time flies when you're most definitely _not _having fun. Your friends had moped, and cried, and yelled, and otherwise expressed themselves, but when the moment arrived, you had to face your Shadow alone. He sat quietly on your bed. When you opened the door, he didn't move. You looked at each other for a moment, and you knew that you had to be the one to start talking.

"Ryoji," you began softly. "It never mattered to me what the others decided. I could never kill you. You know that." Ryoji bowed his head in resignation.

"I know," he sighed. "But I could still hope you'd decide differently."

Ryoji wasn't trying to put you off fighting out of some sinister impulse. It wasn't like he wanted Nyx to end the world, just because he was Death. You could see how conflicted he was. He was Nyx's Avatar, yet from everything you could see and feel, Ryoji was completely terrified of her. His fear was powerful and legitimate.

He was more afraid of the end of the world than you were.

"I-" You paused. "_We_ won't let the world end." For the first time in your life, you _had _a life- friends, and a future, and something to fight for. You weren't about to give that all up just to avoid a little hardship.

"I wish I could believe that the way you do." Ryoji stared at his hands. You sat down next to him, and gently rested your hand on top of his.

He'd transferred to Gekkoukan High late in the fall.

"This is our third transfer student this year, so I guess that makes it a hat trick," Ms. Toriyumi said drily. The classroom was abuzz. You, the original transfer student, had bagged the elusive and sexy Sanada-senpai. People still hadn't figured out what the deal was with Aigis. Many upstanding gents had tried on that front, and failed miserably. This time, the new student was a boy, and the girls of 2-F were excited for new meat rather than new competition.

"I heard he's cute," a big-nosed girl nearby whispered. Her friends ooh'ed and ah'ed. You glanced nonchalantly over at the girl sitting next to you, and noted that she was writing "Akihiko Sanada" over and over in her notebook, surrounded by swirlies and hearts. But you were above glaring, or other sorts of retaliation, and you settled for an air of smug satisfaction. You felt nothing but pity for these people.

They were seriously missing out.

The sound of the door opening drew your attention, along with the rest of your classmates'. The boy who walked in appeared to be fairly average; however, something about him captured your interest.

"Hello," he said pleasantly. His voice rang in your head. "My name is Ryoji Mochizuki. I'm very pleased to meet you all." Ms. Toriyumi gestured for him to sit in an empty seat beside you. As he walked toward you, your heart sped up, but it wasn't from attraction, or anything like that. You were excited to see him, but you didn't know why.

Your eyes met.

"Hi," he said. "What's your name?" You told him. His lips- handsome lips, now that you were seeing them up close- curled downward into a slight frown.

"That's strange," he murmured. "Have we met before? You seem familiar." The girls around you seethed with jealousy. You were about to open your mouth and tell him that no, you most definitely had not met before, when you were interrupted by an unlikely source.

"You are dangerous."

Aigis stood up sharply. Her eyes narrowed, focused entirely on Ryoji. He looked as surprised as you felt.

"Excuse me?"

"You are dangerous!" she repeated. She leaned forward, almost into her battle stance. You were fully convinced that she really was going to tackle him. That, or pull some crazy Orgia Mode shit.

"Aigis," Yukari hissed. "Sit down."

"Dangerous?" Ryoji cocked his head to one side. His eyes narrowed. For an instant, you believed he was actually going to fight her, too. Then the moment passed, and instead, he shrugged his shoulders.

"But I haven't even asked you out yet."

The tension broke.

Well, for everyone except Aigis.

Low groans of wow-that-joke-was-lame-but-also-kind-of-funny passed through the class, and like usual, they quickly forgot about Aigis's strange behavior. Aigis herself sat back down, but she remained stiff and alert, and her eyes never left the back of Ryoji's head. Apparently her sensors were good for both Shadows, and vaguely creepy dudes.

Junpei and Ryoji, of course, both being the sort of guy who would find a tactical robot super cute, quickly became the best of friends. Ryoji took out a different girl every night, and Junpei, despite his grief for Chidori, was more than happy to go along for the ride. It was Junpei who introduced the two of you, officially, and Ryoji seemed very pleased to meet you.

That wasn't the first time you'd met Ryoji, of course.

The first time you met him was lost to you, in a memory so tightly sealed that even head trauma could barely break it free.

The second time, though, you remembered clearly. The night you moved into the dorm. Your first time experiencing the Dark Hour. The first time Death awakened within you, after ten long years of being perfectly dormant.

He greeted you when you came inside, and, well, in hindsight, you were much less freaked out than you probably should have been. That was the first sign that you knew this kid much more deeply than you would admit. His face was a mockery of your own, with dark hair to contrast with your fiery ginger, and bright blue eyes against your brown.

_Pharos, _he called himself then.

"Can't I just sleep?" you moaned miserably, as he woke you up night after night, always during the Dark Hour, never normal time, like normal people.

"Something important is going to happen," he told you idly. He was sitting on your desk. His short little legs swung to and fro.

"We already figured out the full moon thing," you grunted. "Now go away." You wondered briefly if other people could see Pharos. You knew that your room was bugged. Maybe people were trying to watch you sleep, or whatever, and instead you were convincing them that you were mentally unstable.

"No, not that," Pharos said. "I was talking about the Fall." Now, that was the first time you heard _that_ lovely phrase.

If only it had been the last.

"What's the Fall, Pharos?" you asked, with a heavy dose of I-don't-care included. Later on, you'd be kicking yourself for being so flippant about it. But hey, if he wanted to tell you that _the goddamn world was going to end, _he should've just come out and said it. Instead, he said:

"That's just it. I don't remember." You pulled your pillow over your face and groaned.

"For fuck's sake." You got foul-mouthed on lack of sleep. Pharos didn't appear to notice, or mind, or both.

"I just know that it's coming," he continued. "It's coming because a lot of people wished for it. Isn't that funny?"

"Sure. Ha ha."

"I thought you would want to know," he sniffed. "Good night, my dearest."

"_Finally._"

Later on, you'd wonder if Ryoji remembered how mean you'd been to Pharos. If he did, he didn't appear to hold a grudge.

In any case, Ryoji's present incarnation took your school by storm. No one was free from his amorous advances, not even the seniors. His cheerful and confident personality made him well-known, and the rumors began flying.

One evening in the dorm, after Ryoji came to pick up Junpei, Akihiko pulled you aside. He must have seen the way Ryoji picked you out in the lounge and offered you a flirty wink and a wave. The dude had balls, that was for sure.

"Hey," Akihiko said seriously. "You know that Ryoji kid? I heard he tried to hit on Mitsuru." Apparently, hitting on Kirijo-senpai was such a serious offense that the news had been spread around. Akihiko looked you up and down, as if looking for battle wounds. "He hasn't tried anything on you, has he?"

"No," you answered, somewhat truthfully. He _had _made a big show of 'recognizing you from somewhere,' and the wink-and-wave was kind of obvious. Akihiko was satisfied with your answer, though, and he nodded grimly.

"If he ever does, you tell me," he said. You tried your best not to giggle at the thought of Aki protecting you from the oh-so-scary junior boys. He was just looking out for you, after all. C'mon, it was _sweet._

"Don't worry," you told him. "You're much cuter than he is." At that, Aki flushed an awkward mauve color. You gave him a kiss to settle him down.

Regardless, you found it difficult to stay away from Ryoji, even to protect Aki's delicate man feelings, and you continued to hang out with him on a regular basis. You didn't feel the same way about Ryoji as you did about Akihiko, of course, but _something _was keeping the two of you connected, and you were determined to find out what it was.

Appropriately, you found out the truth on the night of a full moon.

The first sign that shit was going down was that Aigis went missing. She didn't have any friends outside of SEES, of course, given that she was a robot and stuff, and it was unusual for her to go out at night, or spend any time away from you at all. When she didn't come home by eleven thirty, the group was worried. As soon as the Dark Hour hit, Fuuka and Juno searched for her, and SEES mounted up.

She was in an unusual place, but at the time, you thought nothing of it. You ran up to the Moonlight Bridge just as Aigis launched her final attack. Palladion soared through the air. With a mighty _crack, _it was swatted carelessly to the side.

Aigis lunged.

By the time you got to her, she was in a heap on the pavement.

The force of the blow was evident- Aigis had hit the ground hard enough for the road to have been cracked in several places, chunks of asphalt in disarray. But that couldn't be right. Aigis was, well, Aigis- she was completely unstoppable. Who could do something like this?

You knew the answer before you saw his face.

It only made sense that Ryoji should possess a power opposite your own. You weren't sure why, but you weren't surprised to see him there, standing on that bridge, during the Dark Hour. You didn't think you could ever be surprised to see him.

"I remembered everything," Aigis said to you, brokenly. Her hand reached out to touch you. You heard her, but your eyes stayed on Ryoji.

"Ryoji-kun? Is that you?" The rest of the group was running up behind you, and after surveying the damage, they'd only just seen the cause.

"Oh my God- did he-"

"I can't believe it- Ryoji?-"

"How could you do this?" Akihiko was standing right behind you. Apparently, he still wanted his chance to protect you from big bad Ryoji. The thought made you crack a wry smile.

"Cool down, Akihiko," Mitsuru ordered. "He doesn't appear to be hostile."

"He _doesn't appear to be hostile_? Did you see what he did to Aigis?"

"It's all right," Ryoji said suddenly. He sounded calmer, more mature. You had trouble imagining this Ryoji chasing skirt in a high school. "I'm not going to hurt you. I remember everything now." He tilted his head back and looked at the full moon. He exuded a calm serenity, very unlike a person who'd just blown someone up.

"I attacked her because I'm a Shadow."

_Because he's a Shadow._

You knew it to be true. The others gasped in disbelief, but you kept staring at Ryoji, with an even gaze. If he said he was a Shadow, then that was what he was. The simplest answer was usually, the best, after all. The others' shouts were lost on you.

"_What_?"

"No way!"

"His true name is Death," Aigis struggled to tell you. Her vital signs were clearly failing. She couldn't even stand. Ryoji nodded in affirmation.

"The thirteenth Arcana, that was never meant to be." He closed his eyes. "Ten years ago, Aigis and I fought on this very bridge." His manner was stilted and somewhat other than human. The expressions and gestures you'd gotten used to seeing from him were notably absent.

"Can't this wait? We need to help Aigis," Fuuka said urgently. She and Yukari were both hunched over Aigis's fallen body. Yukari's Dia spells were only somewhat effective on Aigis's mechanical body in the best of circumstances, and now, the damage was far beyond what magic could repair.

"It's not working," Mitsuru said, incredibly calmly, given the circumstances. "We're going to have to get her to the lab-"

"No, it can't wait," Ryoji snapped. "There's too much that you need to know." You felt a swell of power from him. The others stopped their activities. You hadn't taken your eyes off him since you'd arrived. He knew something- something important- and you knew that it was significant to your life, specifically.

_Ten years ago, on this very bridge. _That was where your parents died.

"Aigis couldn't defeat me back then," he said. His eyes dropped to the pavement. "So instead, she sealed me away."

"I'm so sorry," Aigis whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"She sealed me inside the only available vessel- a child who happened to be nearby." While he spoke, Ryoji walked up to you. Aki tugged your shoulders as if to pull you away from him, but you refused to move, and all Ryoji did was clasp your hand with both of his. You allowed him to. Images of a car wreck, a fire, a screaming girl- images of growing up as an orphan flashed in your brain.

"The rest of my body was scattered in the process, apparently lost forever." He relayed the information calmly, despite how fantastic it was. "But then, by some sick twist of fate, that same child came back to this island, as a transfer student." Your heart was pounding.

"Me," you said tonelessly. The others, for once, said nothing, but appeared to have come to the same conclusion. Ryoji squeezed your hand.

"I lived inside of you for ten long years," Ryoji whispered.

You remembered the impossibly powerful Persona you summoned.

You remembered the way the Shadows whispered to you.

You remembered Pharos.

How could you have been so _stupid_?

"I'm so sorry." Aigis was fading. "I couldn't protect you." Her eyes didn't close. You were hit by a sudden silence, as if someone had stopped breathing. Aigis's inner workings didn't make much noise, but you were accustomed enough to them that you could notice when they stopped. Yukari whispered Aigis's name, over and over, and shook Aigis's heavy metal frame. She got no response.

A heavy atmosphere settled over the bridge, but you were still preoccupied by Ryoji. You had so many questions that needed to be answered.

"What are we going to do?" Junpei snapped at the rest of you. "I mean, Ryoji- Ryoji?"

"There's so much more I need to tell you." Ryoji's expression was dreamy and tired. "I remember so much- about Shadows-!" He wobbled. You knew he was going down, even before he fell. When he crumpled, no one went to catch him. He lay helpless at your feet, and an sensation uncomfortably close to "motherly" stirred in your heart. What were you going to do with him? He was Death, after all- was it ok to just move Death around, as if he were some sort of normal teenage boy?

"We can't leave him here," Mitsuru finally said. No one asked, but you knew they were looking to you for a decision. You'd spoken the least of anyone, and when you tried, your throat felt dry.

"Bring him back to the dorm." It sounded more like an order than a request, but in any case, Junpei and Akihiko followed it. They easily hoisted Ryoji's unconscious body- he was kind of small for a guy, now that you were paying attention to that sort of thing- and carried him off. Mitsuru, Yukari, and Fuuka stayed on the bridge with Aigis, to make the arrangements to have her body removed and repaired, before she was discovered by the public.

That left you to walk home by yourself.

You stumbled into the dorm just as the Dark Hour ended. You felt as exhausted as if you'd just fought. _Ryoji's_ fatigue was what you were feeling, of course, not your own. Or was it your own, since he'd lived inside your body?

God, this was confusing.

Akihiko was waiting for you inside. Ryoji was nowhere to be seen- you must have walked home slower than you thought.

"We put him upstairs, like you asked," Aki said. "In Shinji's room." Well, it seemed rather cruel to stick Death in the comatose dude's own bedroom, but it was the only room available. The dorm had gotten pretty packed. Part of you wanted to ask that Ryoji be placed in your room- he was quite familiar with it, after all- but you sensed that that wasn't a good idea.

"Thanks."

"Junpei's with him now. We figured he shouldn't be left alone after, well, you know."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Akihiko was sitting on the couch in the lounge, and almost automatically, you went and plopped down next to him. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders. You were surprised by how warm he was- were you really that cold?

"I'm so tired."

"Yeah, I know." You leaned onto his shoulder and closed your eyes.

When you opened them again, you were in bed, in your room.

_Aki carried me here…? _You looked around, but the boyf himself was nowhere to be found. Why would he dump you here and leave? _They're busy looking after Ryoji, _you reminded yourself. Which reminded you of something else.

You clambered out of bed, and ran down to Shinji's bedroom.

Everyone on the team took turns monitoring Ryoji's condition. You, however, managed to sneak in more shifts than everyone else. They couldn't deny you that privilege, after all. You felt a biting need to be near him.

You found yourself understanding Aigis's priorities a little better.

When Ryoji woke up, you almost didn't notice. It was kind of a flip from the usual thing, you watching him sleep, rather than the other way around. The idea that he and Pharos were one and the same had been alarming at first, but was now firmly cemented in your mind, as if you'd always known. Ryoji- Pharos- Thanatos- they were all a part of you.

"Hi," Ryoji said weakly. "I always dreamed I'd wake up beside you." He tried to give you a smooth wink. You rolled your eyes.

"Give it a rest." You bit your lip. No one ever taught you what to say in situations like this. You decided to start with the basics.

"Um, are you feeling ok?"

"I feel fine."

"That's good." Even though he'd passed out with all his clothes on and been carried to the dorm, Ryoji still looked clean and well-kept. Not a hair was out of place, and his scarf was still wrapped snugly around his neck. He looked exactly as he had when you'd first met him. When you'd first met him as Ryoji, that is.

Ryoji did not appear to want to start a conversation, so you took the plunge on your own.

"You lived inside of me," you whispered. Ryoji's expression turned serious. He sat up, hiding a small wince of pain. "You spoke to me. During the Dark Hour. All this time." Ryoji rested a hand on your arm, and you didn't brush him away.

"I don't know if it matters now, but I didn't remember, either," he said. "Not until I awakened during the Dark Hour on my own. Um, and Aigis reminded me."

"Yeah. She's really something." Aigis, who decided to use you as a guinea pig and mobile prison. No, you couldn't blame her. She was a machine. She'd been doing what she was programmed to do. At that time, she'd had no concept of human life. She simply saw an opportunity and took it. Nothing more. And it had prevented the end of the world, so- smashing success, right?

"I'm sorry that it had to be you," Ryoji said simply. You shook your head.

"It's not worth thinking about. If you hadn't been with me- well, who knows where I'd be right now? There's no point in dwelling on it." What if you and your parents had never stumbled across Death? You'd be living in a different city, going to a different school. Surrounded by a normal family, and normal friends. You'd be an unrecognizably different person.

That thought scared you more than having had Death live inside you for ten years.

"You're not angry?" Ryoji asked curiously. You shook your head, even as you thought of what to say next. You were confused, but having Ryoji close to you made everything feel clearer. More centered, somehow.

"I don't know what I feel," you said. Ryoji's face fell. "But," you continued softly, "I feel better because you're here with me." Ryoji's expression brightened.

"Thank you," he said. "You don't know what that means to me." He nodded, his expression resolute. "I feel better when I'm around you, too. All this sadness that I feel…" He trailed off. You weren't sure why, until you heard someone knocking on the door.

"Come in," you said, automatically. Ryoji removed his hand from your arm. It was, of course, Akihiko. Who else could possibly come in while you were bonding with another dude? He gave Ryoji a hard look.

"I was coming to check on you. Both of you," he said. He nodded stiffly at Ryoji. "Good to see you're awake." Ryoji's expression turned serious.

"I have a lot that I need to tell all of you," he said. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. You were surprised at how much energy he had after being unconscious for so long, but then, Ryoji wasn't really human. You stayed where you were.

"There's a lounge on the fourth floor. Everyone will be up there in a little bit," Akihiko told him. Ryoji left without saying a word, offering you only a long glance. You long-glanced back at him. Akihiko noticed.

"What's going on?" he snapped, as soon as Ryoji was gone. "I heard you talking."

"Huh?" You said the first thing that popped into your mind, which was probably the least appropriate. "Oh. You wouldn't understand." You winced inwardly as Aki gave you an unreadable- but definitely not positive- look, before leaving in silence. You didn't mean to shut him out. Well, at least you wouldn't have to talk to him for a little while, given the Ryoji issue.

Ryoji told you the details of the Fall. He gave you a month to decide. New Year's Eve, and there you were, sitting in front of him in your bedroom, as if you were just casually hanging out.

_I won't let the world end. For Ryoji, too._

"I wish I could believe that the way you do." You smiled at him, as confidently as you could manage.

"I'll believe enough for both of us."

Ryoji's lips curled up into a tiny smile, which developed into a grin, and then a bright, happy laugh. He took your hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. Without saying a word, he slid a ring off his finger- the very one he'd bought for himself in Kyoto- and pressed it into the palm of your hand.

"I want you to have this." You stared at the ring. "Keep it. Keep it as a reminder that I was human once." Slowly, you picked up the ring, and slid it onto your forefinger. Ryoji's hands were almost the same size as yours, and it fit comfortably. The low-level dorm lighting glinted off of its curves in a pretty fashion.

"Thanks," you said.

"It looks good on you."

"I'll take good care of it."

"Please do." You and Ryoji sat together on your bed, worlds apart yet impossibly similar. The connection between you was stronger than anything you'd felt- even stronger than your bonds with Akihiko, or your best friends. Those ties were unbreakable, yes, but Ryoji was different. The connection was visceral.

With Ryoji, you were whole.

"Ryoji," you said quietly. You'd only mentioned your deepest fear to Akihiko; however, Ryoji was the only person you knew who might have an answer. "You said that I made you part human. Do you think- do you think there's a part of me that's-"

"A Shadow?" he said bluntly. The possibility had apparently not occurred to him before, and he seemed intrigued by the idea. It wasn't very encouraging.

"Maybe," he shrugged, after a few seconds of thought. "I mean, you are pretty good at fighting other Shadows." You winced at the term "other Shadows"- as if Ryoji had already accepted that you were one, too.

"That's not what I meant." You struggled to find the words to say _I don't want to be part Shadow _without offending Ryoji's Shadow-Human status. Thankfully, though, he seemed to get your meaning.

"There's nothing objectively evil about Shadows," Ryoji laughed. "They're just different, that's all. I guess they have been feeding on humans, so you're natural enemies, but… I mean, they're supposed to stay pretty separate from people, so you aren't used to each other." You'd never thought of Shadows having a purpose, or a cause, before- you'd always thought of them as nothing more than roving monsters.

"Kept separate?" you asked. Ryoji nodded slowly, and he furrowed his brow, deep in thought.

"I don't know how to explain it to you in human language," he finally said. "But Shadows have their place in this world, too." His expression brightened. "If you _did _end up with some Shadow in you, it would be a great asset. If not, well, you're pretty great on your own, too."

"You don't mind being a Shadow?"

"I'm not sad that I'm a Shadow. Not at all. On the contrary, it just feels good to finally know the truth," he smiled for an instant, before he turned pensive. "But… I don't want the world to end. It's a pretty nice place, actually. It has people like you in it." He looked sadder than you'd ever seen him. "But my opinion- what I want- doesn't matter. You'll realize that too, someday." You looked at the ring on your finger. Ryoji took your hand, and he held it, simple and chaste.

"I love you," he said. You stayed for a long while, just like that, your hand in his. The spell was broken by the numbers flashing on your alarm clock, steadily ticking their way closer to 2010.

"It's almost midnight," Ryoji finally said. "We'd better go tell the others." You nodded silently, and allowed him to lead you out of your room and back downstairs. The others sighed with relief when they saw him alive and well.

"It's a regrettable decision, but it's yours to make," he said. You stood firmly by his side. When you gave his hand a supportive squeeze, you realized that you were still holding it. The group's eyes were trained on Ryoji, all except Akihiko, who was looking directly at you with extreme concern. You avoided his gaze.

"The 31st of January," Ryoji said, without quite meeting the eyes of anyone in the room. "One month from today. Nyx will descend to the top of Tartarus, and the world will end."

"You know we're not gonna let that happen," Junpei grinned. Ryoji nodded stiffly. He failed miserably to absorb the optimism of the people around him.

Ryoji gave your hand one final squeeze before his fingers slipped out of yours. Your hand hovered in the air as he walked away from you. When he reached the door, he paused, and turned back. His eyes brushed over the rest of the group, and settled on you. He gave you a tiny smile.

"Best wishes for the new year," he said. "That's what you say on New Year's Eve, right?" He stared directly into your eyes.

_I hope I'm wrong, my dearest._

Ryoji stepped out the door.

A piece of you was torn out with him.

One of your hands, the one wearing Ryoji's ring, curled up into a tight fist. You must have looked ill, because Akihiko and Aigis were both rushing over to you. Akihiko got to you first.

"Are you ok?" he asked. You shook your head.

"Take her upstairs," Mitsuru said, and you were too upset to tell her to go fuck herself. Akihiko nodded, and led you away from the rest of the group. You didn't miss the fact that you passed the second floor to go to the third, but you were too upset to care about that, either. Akihiko shuffled you into your room and got you situated on your bed. He went through the motions of comforting you, sure, but it was awkward and distant. You remembered that he'd heard you talking to Ryoji, and you let out a bitter laugh.

"Are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad."

"Yes you _are_," you snapped. "Lying about it doesn't make it better."

"Ok, you're right. I'm mad. But you know what?" He breathed heavily. "I'm mad because I'm scared. Scared that you liked Ryoji better than me. And I guess that's true. So, whatever." You stared at him.

"How can you say that?"

"For months it's been Ryoji, Ryoji, Ryoji! You go on little coffee dates with him, you invited him to your _room-"_

"Aki-" You tried to get him to stop, but he was on fire. A lump built in your throat.

"And you said you were happier with him- and he gave you a ring- and-" Aki was getting flustered, since every word in his rant made you more upset, not angry, or defensive. He'd seen you yell, and scream, and laugh. He'd seen you cry out in pain and cry out in fear and cry out in rage.

But neither he nor anyone on the rest of the team had ever seen you just… cry.

Fat tears hovered for just a moment before sliding down your cheeks. Your face was wet and your eyeballs burned. Akihiko's face changed from angry, to confused, to worried. You cried silently as you stared at him, begging him to understand. Finally, you opened your mouth, and a tiny sob popped out.

"You don't- it's not like that," you whispered. "It's not that I'm in love with him, or anything stupid like that. He's _me, _Aki. He came out of _me._" You collapsed onto Aki's shoulder, weeping miserably. Stunned, Aki said nothing.

"He's me," you sobbed, over and over. Aki gently wrapped his arms around you.

"He's me."

* * *

><p>So, this was actually written a while ago, but it was total crap so I cut and pasted and rewrote a bunch of stuff. I kind of love Ryoji in the FeMC's storyline. I think the main character's "other side" works really well with that person being the opposite gender. Hmm... maybe I should write some MinatoFem!Ryoji?

If you're dating Akihiko, he actually does tell you to tell him if Ryoji tries anything. I lol'ed.

Oh, and I'm going to be at Otakon if anyone wants to meet up. I'll be dressing as Yukari on Saturday. Woot.

Only two more chapters, and one of them is PORN! YAY PORN!


	6. Chapter 6

**The Fool - Chapter 6**

January 30, the night before the world was set to end. You were sitting on Akihiko's bed.

Akihiko wouldn't be home from practice for another half hour. You still thought it was silly to go to practice the day before the fight with Nyx, and you'd told him so, but he wanted to keep his mad skills up, and there was no arguing with Aki on matters of training. You got up, and started to pace back and forth. Eventually, you paused to check yourself out in the mirror. The lacy black underwear Yukari had picked out for you looked awkward on your muscular body. Magazines were always telling you that guys didn't like women with muscles.

Well, Akihiko hadn't seemed to mind so far.

And it wasn't like you were, you know, _creepy _muscular. You were just trim, is all. And your biceps may or may not have had more definition than the average sixteen year old girl. You didn't have a six-pack, or anything. _That _would be weird.

You were caught up in switching your unruly hair between up and down when you heard footsteps coming down the hall. Just barely, you managed to get over and lie down on Aki's bed before he opened the door. Your hair was still up in a ponytail, and in a ponytail it would have to stay.

The doorknob turned, and the door swung open.

"Oh, hi- um, hi?" He broke into a stammer the moment he saw you on his bed. You rolled over onto your side and propped yourself up on your elbow. Hopefully, you looked more confident than you felt. You self-consciously crossed your legs. Yukari had decided the best way to finish your ensemble was a pair of high leather boots, and you couldn't find a pair that was affordable, so the two of you had snuck into Mitsuru-senpai's room to borrow hers.

Most definitely, you would be severely punished later, but you decided right then that it was totally worth it for the way Aki's eyes were stuck on the leather clinging to your calves.

"How was practice?" you said sweetly.

"I'm all sweaty," was Akihiko's response. You chose to ignore it.

"Now that everyone knows we're dating," you continued, "I thought it would be ok to bring this down here." You reached down towards where you'd left your CD player, and you were very conscious of the way your boobs pressed forward against the cups of your bra. It had taken you all night to choose the CD you were going to bring down with you, and you pressed play with hesitation, hoping that Aki would like it. He wasn't much of a music person.

"You look hot," you said, in what you hoped was a flirty voice. Mysteriously, the more times you had sex with Akihiko, the _less _confident you got. Meanwhile, he was gaining confidence, but barely. You still had to initiate everything beyond gentle little kisses and stuttery invitations to "come back to his room." Once you got started, though, he was very enthusiastic.

But right now, he just looked confused.

"Thanks?"

"I meant like, warm," you laughed. "Take your shirt off." Wow, that was just lame enough to be something that Aki would say. You could feel your face turning red. Aki smiled, though, and obligingly yanked off his jacket, showing the t-shirt underneath. It had a faded _Gekkoukan High School Scholar Athlete _logo on it.

God, the two of you were such dorks.

Well, might as well own it.

"No, no," you said. "Do it sexy." He raised an eyebrow.

"Want me to put the jacket back on and start over?"

"Of course not." You kicked your legs out- you saw Aki checking them out again- and stood up. The music had picked up a little, and you moved with it as you took the few steps over to where your clueless boyfriend was standing. You didn't walk around in heels now as much as you'd done as a kid, but it was the sort of thing you never really forgot. Besides- for whatever reason, being a couple inches taller gave you confidence. You strutted over to Akihiko and pressed your bare torso against his body. He automatically slid his arms around your waist, though the lingerie was making him shy.

"Did you do all this for me?" he asked, a pinkish tinge taking over his cheeks.

"Um, duh." You took a hand and slid it up Aki's t-shirt. He hadn't been lying when he said he was sweaty, though at this point, you couldn't tell how much was because of boxing, and how much was because of you. While you caressed his stomach, you snaked your other arm around his neck, and pushed his face down towards yours.

He kissed you eagerly, as if he were excited for what was coming next.

Which, you know, he totally should have been.

After helping Aki out of his own t-shirt, you guided his hands back to the clasp of your lacy- and expensive- bra. It had achieved its purpose. The bra tumbled forward, exposing your tits, and one of Aki's hands followed it, cupping your breast into a gentle massage. His other hand disappeared into your panties, searching out your most delicate areas. You pulled away.

"Not so fast," you grinned, confidence swelling, and you backed away from your boyfriend, pushing off the rest of your lingerie in the process. The lacy delicates dropped around your ankles. You kicked them off, before boosting yourself up and sitting on the edge of Aki's desk.

You were sure he wouldn't mind it if it got a little wet.

"Take off your pants," you ordered. As he did so, you spread your legs and placed one of your feet on the desk beside you. As you leaned over and began to unzip the first boot, you saw his eyes linger on your glistening hole, before he demanded:

"No. Leave those on." His voice was hoarse and scratchy, and he blushed. "Um, please."

"Only if you take your socks off," you giggled. Aki looked down at his undies and socks, and blushed deeper. He tore his sweaty work-out socks off in a rush.

"Much better," you smiled, and Aki smiled back through his embarrassment, a genuine smile that you very rarely saw. He crossed the room and wrapped his arms around you, gifting you with another deep kiss. You felt something hard pressing against your thigh. Breaking the kiss, you moved your hand towards the bulge, all while guiding his hand in a similar direction.

Calloused fingers creeped into your folds with all the apprehension and excitement of a naughty boy sneaking around where he shouldn't. You still liked the way his face lit up when he realized you were enjoying it. He was so earnest. Your own hand slipped into Aki's boxers, and you were greeted with something familiar, firm, yet soft. He let out an oh-so-manly grunt when you brushed your fingers against his tip.

Aki quickly teased open your entrance, and slid a finger inside. The intruding finger pushed deeper, swirled around inside of you. You wrapped your legs around Aki's torso. His eyes lit up when he felt your muscles tightened around him, and he forced in a second finger. The stretch made you burn. Your body ached for more of him. Fingers simply weren't enough. You tugged your first hand free and grabbed his wrist. He stopped immediately.

"What's up?" he asked. He was breathing heavily against your neck. Without saying a word, you slid yourself off the desk and turned around.

You leaned down over the desk. Your hips and ass were slightly elevated, at the perfect angle for Akihiko to enter you. He was standing behind you, and you could sense him staring, taking it all in. His warm fingers brushed against your hip, and you moaned softly, not expecting the touch.

"Do it, Aki," you breathed. That spurred him to action, and he quickly shuffled out of his boxers. You felt him position himself at your entrance. He slid inside, and you felt his sharp intake of breath. He slid back out, and you scooted your legs only slightly further apart. He pushed himself into you again. With each thrust, he gained confidence, settling into an easy rhythm.

Akihiko had a gift for applying the perfect amount of pressure. He was never too gentle, or too rough- he sensed what you wanted, and proceeded accordingly. His body's intuition had been honed by years of athletics.

Yours, however, was borne of experience.

You had been a lonely kid, of course, growing up with no parents. As a young girl, you'd been practically invisible, just one more round-faced orphan in a sea of sad faces. Once you got older, though, something changed.

You became _pretty_.

Not model-pretty, of course, but you had reasonably handsome features, and your red hair made you stand out. You hit puberty, sprouted some tits, and the boys began to notice you. When you were fourteen, you were prescribed birth control pills to regulate your periods. At that point, all bets were off.

At your old high school, you'd bedded _dozens _of guys. If you couldn't get pregnant, there were no consequences, or so you told yourself. And each boy you were close to, each boy that you led to a dark hallway or an empty bathroom, made you feel _important. _Every time you were close to someone, even if only for five minutes, you were able to forget that you were a miserable orphan with no friends.

You gave up your whoring ways when you came to Gekkoukan, though. You weren't entirely sure why. Fighting Shadows gave you an outlet that was totally independent of your vagina, you supposed. In any case, you still loved a good hard fuck, and you arched yourself up towards Aki's hips.

"Do it harder," you grunted. But despite your demands, he was losing momentum, not gaining it. You let out a frustrated whine and pushed yourself back onto him.

"Wait," Akihiko said. "This isn't right." He stopped completely. Sliding himself out, he separated your bodies. Despite your show of confidence, something cold clutched at your heart. _This isn't right_? What was up?

Did he not want you anymore?

Using his fingers, Aki gently twisted you around to face him. Your bodies pressed together, but your confidence was shaken, and you found yourself unable to look directly into his eyes. You braced yourself for the moment when you would get kicked out of his room for being a stupid whore.

That, however, wasn't exactly what happened.

"I wanna see your face," he said, simply. He reached behind you and tugged out your hair tie. Your bushy hair fell down all over your back and shoulders. "I don't want anything fancy. Just you."

_Just me._

Aki led you across the room, lowered you onto his bed. Without another word, he moved to your right thigh, right where boot met skin. Your thighs tingled as he began sliding the zipper down, pulling Mitsuru-senpai's boot free and tossing it aside. He did the same to the second boot. Aki sat back to admire his handiwork.

You'd been naked around him loads of times, but you'd never felt so exposed.

"You're beautiful," he said simply. Your blush deepened. The worst with Aki was that he could say the stupidest shit, but you knew him, and you knew that he never said anything he didn't mean, even if his words were cold and brutally honest. He meant all the good things he said, too.

"You're beautiful, too," you blurted out, in a desperate bid to draw attention away from yourself. As you said the words though, you looked at Aki- _really_ looked at him. He was sitting back on his heels, and you took in his trim, pale body, and his silver hair and pale eyes, and his awkward, lopsided smile. Something warm that wasn't lust bubbled in your gut. He really _was _beautiful.

Without losing his smile, Aki moved up the bed and eased himself on top of you. His weight pressed against you reassuringly, and he offered you a slow kiss before burying his face in your neck. Using his hand, he guided himself back inside of you, and started a slow, gentle rhythm.

For a long time, you lay perfectly still. You were in foreign territory, unused to not being in charge, and an unfocused anxiety was bubbling its way up through your system.

Loathe though you were to admit it, you'd never just _had sex_ before. You'd always used sex as a tool to get something you wanted, even if that something was nothing more than attention. Akihiko, shy, timid Aki, did not appear to share any of your concerns. You could feel his contented expression as he breathed against your neck.

"Aki," you murmured. "Go faster."

"Ok." Akihiko picked up the pace. The pretty smell of sex took over you. Skin rubbed roughly on skin, but despite the inherent physicality of the act, everything seemed gentle, somehow. The feel of Aki entering you, then sliding out, then pushing in again- all of it felt as natural as giving a hug. You reach a hand up to massage his hair, and in return, he dribbled tiny kissed on your neck.

"Aki," you gasped. A slow burn was taking over your lower half. You wrapped one leg around Aki to anchor yourself. He gasped in surprise when you tightened around him. His thrusts became harsh and erratic. You felt yourself fill up with something warm and fluid, and Aki cried out, but he didn't slow down. His release heated you up from the inside out, and you began to lose it, too.

You were used to quickies, stolen moments, sharp bursts of intensity. The heat taking over your body was anything but sharp, or quick. This time, things started out slow, then they started to grow. The pleasure rolled over you, a slow climb up a gentle hill, then a moment of triumph at its peak, before tumbling down the other side as if nothing mattered in the world.

It was a very dramatic orgasm.

Aki's movements slowed, then stopped, and at some point he gently pulled himself out of you, and he snuggled against your side, and juicy fluids were dripping out of you, but through it all, you barely moved. You lay there on the sticky sheets, eyes half-closed, spent and content. The expression "lazy as fuck" contained new meaning.

Both of you lay in silence until your bodies dried, somewhat, and your breathing returned to normal. Eventually, Akihiko became concerned that you hadn't moved or spoken at all.

"Um. Are you ok?" he asked shyly. Your inner calm came crashing down, and you forced out a stammer.

"Y-yeah. Sorry. I mean, thanks. Um." You stumbled over your words, and crossed your legs a little, suddenly embarrassed. Akihiko's brow furrowed.

"Are you sure-"

"Aki?" You took a deep breath. Come on, girl. Three little words. If the world ends tomorrow, you won't get another chance. This is it. Point of no return. Fish or cut bait.

"I," you started. Your palms were sweaty. "Aki, I lo-" The words weren't coming out. "Um, I lo-"

"I know," Aki whispered kindly. His lips brushed against your cheek. "I love you, too."

"No! I'm gonna say it." You sat upright, naked and determined. Ok, so you'd never confessed your love to anyone before. You'd never really loved anyone before. You weren't even sure if what you were feeling was love. But, well, end of the world.

"Senpai," you said formally. "I love you."

"Thanks," Aki laughed. You lay back down, leaned your face against Aki's shoulder, and smiled.

"I've never told anyone I loved them before," you admitted. "That's why I wanted to do it for real."

"Yeah," Aki said. "Me neither, before I met you." He tucked his arm under you and pulled you closer, into a proper snuggle. You wrapped an arm around his middle. The two of you had so much in common. It was amazing you'd managed to find each other, really.

"I guess orphans don't get loved as much as other people," you sighed. Akihiko's calm expression turned into a frown.

"Hey, don't say that." You said nothing. "I think- hmm." He paused in thought for a moment before continuing. "It sounds weird, but people who have suffered- people who have bad things happen to them- seem to turn out better, in the end. That's what I think."

You thought of Shinji, sacrificing himself to protect Ken. You thought of the rest of your friends, forced to carry the weight of saving the entire world on their shoulders. All of you had most definitely suffered.

You'd be willing to take a blow for any of them.

"You know," you smiled. "Maybe you're right."

You spent a long time with Akihiko.

* * *

><p>God. I don't have a lot of experience writing romance porn. There's so much Feelings and Introspection that this is barely even porn, LOL. I stared at it and rewrote crap and whined about it so much that now, I'm just gonna put it out there for the public, and y'all can tell me what I should do differently next time.<p>

MORE IMPORTANTLY.

I finally played Persona 4! I loved it to death. It was such a gay romp in the park compared to the never-ending angst party of Persona 3. Some things were lame, though. I mean, really? Yukiko's Deepest Darkest Secret is that she resents being forced to take over her family's business? That's, like, standard-issue human behavior. Someone also needs to call up Atlus and tell them that trans people are a thing in the world. BUT. I enjoyed the game very much.

My favorite character is Kanji, just like, you know, everyone. The saddest part in the game is when Yosuke says he doesn't want to change his e-mail address because someone of his old city friends might still want to talk to him, someday. Ouch. WAIT. I take it back- my favorite character is Yosuke's bright red pants. The creepiest part is when Doujima shouts "Hang on, Nanako! Daddy's comin' for ya!" The funniest part is when the nurse gives you anatomy lessons. LOL.

Well, in any case, as of right now, I think my favorite in the series is the updated version of P3 that incorporates the nicer features of P4.

Q OF THE DAY: Does anyone have any fun P4 (or P3, really) fic recommendations? Pairings really don't matter to me at all. I love everyone equally!


	7. Chapter 7

**The Fool - Chapter 7**

The Nyx avatar had Ryoji's face.

You stared directly into its dead eyes. None of Ryoji's sentimental personality was left.

Your naginata stuck straight through its chest.

"Nice, Leader! Direct hit!" Junpei cheered from somewhere to your left. Shadows were swarming up from behind. Your friends were cleaning up the leftovers. Akihiko was at your side.

"I'm impressed," the avatar said tonelessly, in a voice that still managed to remind you of Ryoji. It pulled away from you and floated into the air. You'd seen plenty of Shadows do as much, but it never stopped getting creepy. Your naginata was back in your hands.

"You haven't changed anything, though," the avatar continued. "Nyx is already here. Everyone is going to die." You gritted your teeth. Like _hell _nothing had changed. You kept your eyes trained on the monster, its blood still dripping from your weapon.

Then, at some indeterminable height, it stopped.

Something was behind it. Your eyes widened. Nyx's body- it was-

"The _moon?_" Junpei shouted. "How are we supposed to kill _the fucking moon?_"

The bottom dropped out of your stomach. You began to realize, much too late, exactly what Ryoji had been talking about when he said that Nyx could not be killed. "There's no word for her in your language," indeed.

You heard a shout somewhere behind you, and Fuuka collapsed. Ken went down next, since he was smaller than the rest of you. The sheer malice belonging to Nyx was forcing all of you to your knees. Akihiko dropped next to you, and you could feel your posture bending.

_No. No. The world's not going to end, _you thought forcefully. You dredged up all of your resolve from the previous month. Your knees were beginning to break, but you forced them to stay straight. You glared at Nyx's avatar.

"Ryoji," you shouted. "Take me to her!" Ryoji looked surprised, both at your use of his human name, and also at your strange request.

"Is that really want you want?" he asked.

"Don't be stupid," Yukari gritted out. "You can't go by yourself-"

"Take me to Nyx," you repeated, more strongly. You were the only one of your group left standing. Your Personas, all of them, hummed just below your consciousness, desperate for this fight. Beside you, Akihiko tried to stand, grunting out your name like a curse when he was slammed back into the ground.

"Fine," the avatar said.

The change was instantaneous.

While everyone else was being pressed into the ground, for you, the pressure changed direction. You were being pulled toward Nyx, instead of pushed away. As if someone had hooked a cord into you behind your bellybutton, your entire body lifted off the ground, and began moving upwards.

Ryoji's lifeless eyes stared at you as you floated upwards. You stared back.

"No! Wait! Come back!" Your friends' shouts were incoherent. Not one of them asked how you were lifting into the air, but then, if Ryoji could do it, then so could you. You passed him in midair, and his wicked lips twisted into a smile.

"Good luck."

Your pace was increasing. The moon was getting closer. As you shot upwards, you were reminded of the elevator in the Velvet Room. The world around you began to blur. Your friends' voices were disappearing.

Soon, you had left Earth behind.

You couldn't shake the feeling that you had arrived somewhere where you weren't meant to be. Tartarus was child's play compared to this. You'd always felt so tough, exploring that labyrinth with your Personas, but really, it was only the frying pan. Now, you were walking directly into the fire.

You stepped across a barrier, and you were in Nyx's world.

You felt a shift in the atmosphere around you, the same way you did every time you entered Tartarus. This time, though, it was stronger. The faint glow you were so used to from Tartarus was amplified to a murky fog, so bright you could only see shapes, not details. You found your feet and stood, facing directly into the heart of the moon. Your hands were clammy. The floor and walls were pulsating with supernatural energy. Not sure what to do next, you took one step forward, then another, gripping the hilt of your naginata.

Nyx was there in front of you. A golden egg suspended in the mist.

How were you supposed to attack it? Just stab away and see what happens? That seemed like a bad idea. Ryoji's words about Nyx being immortal floated through your mind for a second time. What was in front of you wasn't the issue, though. The issue was what was behind you.

A vicious howl tore through your ears.

Almost serenely, you turned around.

Tartarus, the Earth, your friends were all gone. Instead of seeing where you'd come from, you saw more swirling yellow fog, the stuff that Nyx's world was made up of. This wasn't Nyx, though.

This was something else entirely.

The beast glared at you, furious that you were standing between it and its goal. Suddenly, you understood why Nyx had seemed so docile. This new creature, enormous yet so blurred it was nearly shapeless, roared with frustration and tore a claw through Nyx's side, so close you were almost hit by it, too. You froze. Someone or something provided you with a name.

_Erebus._

Erebus, the embodiment of pure human despair. The longer you stared at it, the less you were able to move. You saw Ken's mother, killed by a Persona. You saw Shinji's guilt, and Mitsuru's burden, and Yukari's grief.

You saw Aki's little sister.

You saw your own parents, bleeding out on the pavement.

The pressure of it forced you down to one knee. Even while leaning your weight on the naginata, you were barely able to stay upright. Big, ugly Erebus reached past you a second time, and sank its claws into Nyx's body.

_This is what you're fighting against._

Nyx's voice.

It appeared in your head, no longer sounding like Ryoji at all. She no longer needed her avatar, and instead, she spoke to your heart, the way the Shadows did. Nyx, the mother of Shadows.

_Erebus is created from humankind's desires._ _So long as it can reach me, I shall destroy the Earth. That is what the human world wants._

"No it's not," you gritted out. It took a moment for you to realize you'd spoken the words out loud. You were reminded of the hotel where you'd been knocked into a trance by a Lovers Shadow. Where Akihiko had stumbled naked into your hotel room-

Ok, _so _not the best time to be thinking about that.

"No one wants to be eaten by Shadows," you said again, a little stronger. "That's stupid."

_I have no choice. Erebus is telling me that this is what the world wants._

"So if I stop Erebus from hurting you, you'll stop attacking humans?" You struggled back onto your feet, and turned so that Nyx was squarely behind you. The sudden shift from attacking Nyx to protecting her was a little jarring, but you were willing to give it a shot. Erebus was coming back in for another strike. He was big, bigger than any Shadow you'd faced, but since he had to go around you to get to Nyx, you were hoping to get a good slash in.

Unfortunately, this time, Erebus decided to go through you.

You were able to do little more than stab him with the naginata before you were slammed back against Nyx. The weapon slipped out of your fingers. Your right arm was crushed. One of Erebus's claws had punctured what might have been a lung. In any case, you coughed up blood.

_No one can stop Erebus._

"Thanks for the help," you rasped. More blood trickled out of your mouth. Your naginata was out of reach. The pain was so strong that your body rejected it, forcing you to feel nothing at all.

You were going to die here.

_The Fall is inevitable._

"The Fall is inevitable," you repeated tonelessly. You were really sick of hearing that the Fall was inevitable. First Ryoji, then Takaya, and now Nyx herself. As the strength left your body, your mind retreated into a memory.

Before your team had left to climb Tartarus, Akihiko had pulled you aside. He gave you a hug and a kiss.

"You scared?" you had asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Not at all. This'll be easy." He didn't let go of you, though. You could feel how hard his heart was beating. You weren't sure what to say.

"I love you," he mumbled finally.

"I love you too, Aki." You meant it, of course, but you hoped you sounded less awkward than you felt saying the words out loud. Akihiko continued, though. Apparently, that hadn't been what he wanted to tell you.

"We're going to do this," he said. "I know we can do it. Well, I know _you_ can do it."

"Don't say that," you countered. "You'll do great." It was what Aki had said next, though, that was burning through your mind right now. He had stared directly into your eyes, and he said, with total conviction:

"The Fall is _not _inevitable. You're going to stop it."

And so you stared at Erebus, directly into Aki's pain.

Blood was gushing out of your body at an alarming rate. You didn't have much time. As your body reached its physical limit, though, your spiritual strength was rising. Your Personas twisted around inside your psyche. This was, after all, _their _playground.

"I'm going to stop the Fall," you said, your voice wet with blood. This was it. You were the last line of defense. If this didn't work, everyone on Earth was going to die. No pressure.

_You fool_. _What can a mortal girl like you do against Erebus?_

You crossed your working arm over your chest. Erebus hissed suspiciously and began to withdraw, its claw sliding out of your chest. You stared at it evenly, willing it to understand your last thoughts:

_You're never getting anywhere near Nyx._

"This," you said out loud.

You released all of the energy from your body.

* * *

><p>I had a lot of trouble writing the end of the game. I took quite a few artistic liberties, since the actual game is SO over the top it didn't translate well into a story, or at least not one I felt like writing. Seriously, I wrote out all the people talking to FeMC in her mind and it was just so ridiculous I substituted a memory instead. In any case, this chapter is kind of short, because I finally decided it was best to split the Nyx fight and the ending. So really, I could've posted this ages ago. SORRY GUYS LOL<p>

There is one more chapter- the Epilogue! Ooo! Look at me, finishing fics sometime ever! Somebody give me a medal. Damn, I wanna play P3P again.


	8. Chapter 8

**The Fool - Chapter 8**

When you came to, you were floating backwards. Well, drifting, really, without a particular destination. You'd expected to die the minute you sealed Nyx. Why you were still able to think, then, was a total mystery to you. You tried to open your eyes, and found you couldn't. For an indeterminable amount of time, you floated around like that, with no senses at all.

You finally stopped when you bumped into something soft.

"You did it," someone said quietly. The voice was familiar.

"Ryoji…?"

"You got your miracle." Your awareness came back, and for the first time, you felt something. Slender arms wrapped around your middle. Ryoji's voice was soft and warm- the voice he'd had while he was human.

"You really are amazing," he sighed. "I never expected anyone to go that far." You felt his hand wrap around yours, the one that was still wearing his ring. "Why did you do it?" A tiny smile crossed your lips. You thought of your friends, still fighting down below.

You thought of Aki.

"The world's a pretty ok place."

"Nyx wouldn't have been able to appear if everyone in the world hadn't wished for it," Ryoji pressed. "The Fall is what everyone _wants._" You shook your head. At least, you thought you did.

"No it's not."

"Why did you fight so hard against the inevitable?"

"I stopped it, so it's not inevitable, right?" You paused. "Do you think my life was a waste, Ryoji?" He was silent for a long while, gently massaging your hand with his thumb.

"No," he finally said. You smiled briefly, satisfied with that answer, before the reality of your own death sank back down on you.

"I'm just sad that I won't be able to keep my promise."

All of you, the team, had promised to meet on the roof on Graduation Day.

You all knew that it was likely you'd all lose your memories of the Dark Hour. Even now, Tartarus was a hazy, distant memory, evidence that your efforts had succeeded. Before you left to fight Nyx, it had been Junpei's idea to decide on a place to meet, and Yukari had picked Graduation Day. The cheerful optimism your friends had expressed felt like it happened years ago, and not earlier today.

Assuming it was still January 31. You were kind of limbo, so it was hard to tell.

"I'm not going to be able to meet everyone," you whispered. Ryoji squeezed you a little tighter.

"That's not true," he said. "I think you have a little time left." That surprised you. You hadn't exactly given your life up before, but you were pretty sure that when you had decided to make the Ultimate Sacrifice, you had done it correctly, and you were supposed to be dead.

"Really?" Somehow, you could hear Ryoji smile.

"I'll take you back, dearest."

The air around your body was getting heavier. The unsettling glow that permeated everything in Nyx's realm- in Tartarus- was fading. You were dizzy for an instant before you felt your body solidify, and right itself, and suddenly, your feet were touching solid ground.

The bells of Tartarus chimed above you for the last time.

"Where are you?"

"If you can hear us, answer!"

Your eyes opened.

"What happened?" you asked weakly. They were the first two words you thought of. But as you asked it, your ears perked up, and your eyes came into focus, and your friends appeared before you, in three dimensions and very much alive. They all looked elated to see you. Had they thought you were dead?

Well, technically you were, but no use dwelling on it now.

"We thought you were gone," Fuuka gushed. Junpei and Yukari were in tears. Mitsuru had her eyes closed, her lips turned up into the most genuine smile you'd seen from her. Aigis bowed her head. Ken was giving you his bravest face, but his lip was wobbling. Koromaru barked and wagged his tail.

You had never thought you'd see people looking at _you _with those eyes. Usually it was pity, or disgust, or something indefinable, but slightly less than neutral. Now, your friends were looking at you like you were some sort of hero. In spite of yourself, you felt a deep satisfaction.

You did it. You protected your friends.

You tried to smile at them, but the energy needed to pull your face into a grin made your legs give out. Akihiko ran up and caught you. Grateful, you relaxed your muscles and used him for support. The strength seemed to leak out of your body, and you squeezed your eyes shut. So, this is what Ryoji had meant by "a little time left."

"Thanks, guys," you said out loud, though you weren't sure if anyone besides Aki could hear you. "Thanks, Aki."

"We can celebrate tomorrow," he said, smiling at you. Immediately, the rest of the team was abuzz.

"Another party!"

"Ooo! Should we get sushi again?"

"I'll see what I can arrange," Mitsuru smiled. The nine of you made your way back to the dorm, exhausted but ecstatic, spurred on by pure joy and relief.

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue - One Month Later<strong>

"Junpei and I are going to see a movie. Want to come?" You looked up at Yukari, who was standing in the doorway to your room. She had changed out of her school uniform, and she was wearing a fun pink dress. Her cheeks were flushed with excitement. You yourself, by comparison, looked like a homeless invalid.

"Not really," you said, pulling your blanket back up to your chin. "Ask Kirijo-senpai or something."

"Ugh, no thanks." Yukari invited herself in and came over to your bed. She curled her lip in disapproval at your disheveled hair and possibly also the fact that it was four o'clock and you had skipped school, were still in your pajamas, and were still actively refusing to get out of bed.

"You should really get out more," she said. "I'm worried about you."

"Yeah? Well, _I'm _worried about _you,_" you mumbled childishly.

"Is this about school?"

"No."

"Is it about Akihiko-senpai?"

"Please leave me alone." You didn't mean to get short with Yukari, you really didn't. It's just that your head was pounding and you weren't in the mood for questions you couldn't answer. Yukari didn't know that, of course, and you didn't want to tell her, so it was only natural for her to get offended.

"Fine," she said shortly. "But don't think we don't _notice _when you don't show up to school. I don't know what you've been telling the teachers, but there's no way you're still sick." She got up and flounced her way back out of your room.

"Have fun at the movies," you called after her. If she heard, she didn't answer.

Having Junpei and Yukari at the movies was a good thing, though. You went through your mental checklist.

Junpei and Yukari were going out. Shinjiro was still in the hospital- they'd tried to move him back in, but he'd had an accident and had to be readmitted. Fuuka was at cooking club. Mitsuru and Ken were locked in their rooms studying, and unlikely to come out. Aigis was avoiding you even more than you were avoiding her. And Akihiko-

Aki was at boxing practice. He was getting ready for college try-outs.

Satisfied that the coast was clear, you tumbled out of bed and pulled on some dirty clothes. Your joints ached while you did it, as if you were forcing your body to do something unnatural. Once you found a pair of shoes that matched, you tip-toed out of your room and down the stairs. Koromaru was napping in the living room, but when he heard you coming, he sat up and wagged his tail.

"Hey, Koro-chan," you greeted. "Wanna go for a walk?" He barked his approval of that idea, and you opened the door and followed him out onto the street.

Port Island was getting warmer, and you found you didn't even need the light jacket you were wearing. The leaves were beginning to reappear on the trees.

You had to admit that it was pretty.

You allowed Koromaru to lead you to his favorite place, the shrine. You sat down on the bench under the big tree. Maybe it was the influence of the time you'd spent here with Akinari, but for whatever reason, whenever you sat here in this location, your memories were particularly lucid.

You were dying.

Two was almost enough to make it a pattern. If anyone knew about the number of terminally ill people who had wasted away on this bench, they probably wouldn't let their kids play at the shrine anymore. Like you did every other time you came here, you reached into your pocket and pulled out a tiny notebook, one you carried with you almost constantly. You opened it and looked inside.

The first page was a calendar, with Graduation Day circled in red. The word "_roof_" was scrawled underneath it, exactly where you'd managed to make a quick note before leaving to fight Nyx on January 31.

The rest of the pages were blank.

You still had Akinari's notebook too, of course, but it was sitting at home in your room. You didn't feel like perusing his wacky story today. What fascinated you weren't the words, anyway- it was that Akinari had had _so much _to write down before he died. But you, day after day, stared at your blank pages and felt nothing.

Your original plan had been simply to write down that you _were _dying, since you couldn't remember it half the time. You wanted to write down what happened, all of it, so that your friends would know. But the harder you tried to pin down how, exactly, you'd given up the ghost, the faster it slipped through your grasp.

All you could remember was a pair of arms wrapped around you, and Ryoji's voice whispering that you still had a little time left.

"Maybe I should've stayed dead," you muttered. You were answered by a sharp whine. Looking down, you were surprised to see that Koro-chan had curled up at your feet, obviously affected by your distress.

"Oh jeez," you said quickly. "I didn't mean it, pal." You reached down and patted his head. "Tomorrow's graduation day. Don't forget." He yipped and wagged his tail. Satisfied that Koromaru had been appeased, you went back to your notebook.

Maybe you should write out some sort of last will and testament? You didn't have any money, or anything of value, except for your armor, and it felt weird to will that to a group of people who hopefully wouldn't need it. Your precious naginata was, presumably, still buried in Erebus's leg.

You sat for a long time, staring at those blank pages, Koromaru napping at your feet, until the sky was getting dark and all of the elementary school kids had been taken home. Koro-chan nudged you to tell you that he wanted to go, too, and the two of you walked back to the dorm.

Fortunately, even though your trip to the park had gone on longer than you'd planned, there was only one person sitting in the dorm lobby.

Unfortunately, that person was Akihiko.

"Hey, Aki," you greeted, doing your best to act normal. He was engrossed in some sports magazine, and you startled him. He relaxed when he saw that it was you, but only slightly.

"Hey," he said. "Were you walking the dog?" _Nope- the two of us were just sitting on the front stoop, for funsies._

"Yeah."

"Cool." You went into the kitchen and cobbled some food together, even though at this point, you had pretty much no appetite for anything. Plate in hand, you sat down on the couch next to Akihiko. He almost didn't react to your being there.

"What are you reading?" you asked.

"I've been thinking," Akihiko said, almost at the same time. He blushed a little, from the awkwardness, but he pressed on. "We barely even see each other anymore. You don't get out of bed-"

"I just took the dog for a walk."

"-and you don't go to school," he finished. He reached out and tried to hold your hand, but you pretended not to notice. "The way I feel about you hasn't changed at all," he continued, "but I'm worried, and I'm going to college next year- hey!" You were rude, but you didn't care.

You stood up and left in the middle of his sentence.

First Yukari, and now, Akihiko. What, did everyone suddenly decide to worry about you today?

You dragged yourself back to the third floor- you forced yourself to ignore the fact that you almost didn't have enough strength for all the stairs- shut yourself in your room, and flopped down on your bed. Someone knocked on the door, but you pretended to be asleep.

Today was over. Tomorrow would have to be better.

When you awoke on Graduation Day, though, "better" was not the word you would use to describe how you felt.

Your alarm hadn't gone off, you were clearly going to be late for school, and no one had bothered to wake you up. That part was normal.

The abnormal part was the sensation of waking up from a very long dream- or rather, nightmare.

You remembered everything, from the first time you summoned a Persona to the last. Your brain was getting clearer. Your memories were coming back. You didn't want them, but there they were. You saw Chidori, Takaya, and Jin, dead in front of you. Ikutsuki, and Mitsuru's father, on top of Tartarus. Shinjiro, slowly bleeding out as Fuuka screamed for an ambulance.

Reaching for your notebook, you wanted desperately to write it all down. But the calendar on the first page stared up at you, with its glaring red note, and you realized that you had to meet your friends. You were already late.

At least a whole week had passed since you'd bothered to go to school. The train ride to the island felt like it took an eternity. When you reached Gekkou High, dressed in the basic sense of the word but still looking like a vagrant, someone was waiting for you outside the school gates.

It was Aigis.

Aigis had been avoiding you for the entire month of February. For a moment, you were convinced she was looking for someone else. It wasn't like her to miss classes, though, and from the way her face lit up when you approached, you knew she couldn't be looking for anyone else.

You remembered that night on the Moonlight Bridge when Aigis had fought Ryoji. You remembered her crumpled, broken body.

"Hi, Aigis."

"The others don't remember," she said abruptly. "They don't remember, but I remember everything." Those weren't the words you'd been expecting, but it certainly explained why she'd been avoiding you for a month. She was obviously troubled.

"I know," you said. Aigis didn't say anything more. "Why don't we go up on the roof and wait for everyone?" Aigis didn't look so sure.

"Is it all right to miss the ceremony?"

"Who cares?" you shrugged. You hated ceremonies. Plus, they'd feel terrible for giving you detention once you died.

Aigis accepted your invitation, and the two of you slipped through the crowds headed towards the auditorium and climbed up onto the school's roof. Winded from all the stairs- hopefully Aigis didn't notice- you plopped down on one of the stone benches and stared out at the water.

Ryoji had told you that every time he saw something beautiful, he felt unbearably sad.

You understood how he felt.

"I've been thinking about my life," Aigis said suddenly. She'd probably gotten quite a bit of thinking done, since she hadn't spoken to anyone since January.

"Oh?"

"I think that what I want," she continued, "is to be by your side. To protect you, always." Memories of Aigis flooded your brain. You tried to remember why she was always wanting to be near you.

"Is this about Death?" you asked. "I don't think you need to feel guilty anymore. I mean, you saved the world. That's something to be proud of."

"You saved the world," she corrected. The words hit you in the chest. "When I thought I might never see you again, something became clear to me. What I wanted most." Aigis sat down next to you and whispered, so quietly that even you could barely hear it:

"I want to be your strength."

"You can be my strength, Aigis," you replied with a little smile. You reached out and held her hand in your own. Aigis's hands were cold, hard, and dangerous. You knew those tiny fingertips disguised functional artillery. They also belonged to one of your closest friends.

"Thank you," she said.

You stayed like that for a long time, staring at the ocean, in the world that hadn't ended.

The door to the roof burst open. Your friends flooded the deck. Everyone was there, even Ken, who must've skipped out on school or something. Shinjiro was at the back, trying to hide a limp. Koromaru had come with Shinji, and had somehow managed to get through the school without being kicked out. He barked excitedly and ran in circles, adding a layer of chaos that the crowd really didn't need.

They made a funny picture. An objective observer would have no idea why you were all friends.

_I want to be your strength. _That was what you had been for your friends, wasn't it? When you stepped into the moon to fight Nyx by yourself? Bolstered by their confidence, you had managed to stop the apocalypse. You had stared Death in the face, and accepted it gladly. Thanks to your friends.

Your life was actually pretty ok. Not something to write about in a history book, maybe, but better than most.

Somehow, while all of this was happening, Akihiko ended up next to you. You were tired, and you leaned into him gratefully. The way he wrapped his arms around you had an urgency that told you all of his memories had come back.

You'd missed being held like this.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I'm sorry I forgot it all." Normally, he would never be like this in front of other people. You sensed that Mitsuru was looking away, embarrassed.

"It's ok," you said. "Everyone else did, too."

"It's not ok," he shot back, but he was smiling. "Thanks for saving the world."

"No prob, Aki. I did it for you." Your eyelids fluttered closed. Your cheek rested on his shoulder. The sun was beating down on you. You felt warm and sleepy.

Was this it? You made it to the graduation meet-up, and now this was the end?

Well, that was what you had asked for.

"Are you ok?"

"Just tired," you lied.

_Time to go, dearest._

And at that moment, you asked yourself if you were sad that you were going to die. And you looked at the world, and your friends, and at Aki, alive and healthy, and the answer was no.

"Don't worry," he told you. "I'm staying right here." You smiled into his shoulder, and let yourself fall asleep. You said your last words in a whisper.

"Thank you."

* * *

><p>And, BAM. This took me ages to write. I've never written a "deathfic." I enjoyed writing the scene with FeMC and Ryoji the most. The inspiration was- WAIT FOR IT- Animorphs. Remember when Rachel dies, and she has that conversation with the Ellimist? Because I do.<p>

Again, I tried to keep it close to what happens but edited a bunch out to cool down the cheese factor. I almost cut out Aigis entirely, but then I left her in there. I also loved writing the FeMC as a depressed vagrant. I find it hard to believe that everything would be totes back to normal after the Nyx fight, even if no one remembered it.

In any case, I have an idea for a semi-sequel, focused on Akihiko, following the same basic idea as "The Answer" but, of course, my own version of it. Without all the weird time suck being trapped in the dorm Aigis robot feelings crap. So, here is my question to all of you:

SEQUEL, or NO SEQUEL?


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